


Chaser

by jatty, mcrlove412



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, ChubbyChaser!Frank, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Lust to love, M/M, Objectification, Pedophilia, chubby!Gerard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-04-24 21:43:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 37,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14364297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jatty/pseuds/jatty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcrlove412/pseuds/mcrlove412
Summary: Gerard has been harboring an awful secret for several years, and often finds himself going to food for comfort despite the extra weight it brings. He can't help it. He needs something to console him after the things he's been made to do...Frank has something of a secret himself, but once he discovers the truth about Gerard, he finds it hard to see the object of his obsession as nothing more than fuel for his fantasies. Gerard is in real danger and Frank might just be the only one who can save him.





	1. Coveted

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everybody! Mcrlove412 and I thought it would be fun to co-author something together combining her awesome body-positivity, pro-curves themes with my loves of drama and angst! 
> 
> It's a little hard to summarize eloquently, but Frank is something of a chubby chaser with Gerard being his favorite fantasy partner (to the extent of nearly having him objectified at the start). However, little does he know, Gerard turns to binge eating for comfort/ control after suffering repeated abuse from his father's best friend. 
> 
> What will Frank do when he discovers the secret? Read on and see!

Gerard couldn’t help himself. His parents had laid out a spread for their party, snacks and sandwiches and two-liter bottles of soda lined up along their kitchen counter, and he’d been nervously picking things out of the lineup to eat since the first bag of chips was opened. At first it was just a handful of chips, then pretzels, then a cup of Pepsi...then he started making plates for himself of sandwiches and brownies and anything else he could sneak when his mother’s back was turned. 

He’d already had lunch, she’d said. He didn’t need anything else to eat, she reminded him—eyeing him in that awful way that implied she wanted him to quit before he gained even more weight and they had to go school-clothes shopping a second time this year.

Gerard just couldn’t help himself.

It was a game night. And game nights at his parents house meant one awful thing…

 _He_ was coming over. He was coming over and he would drink too much and Gerard’s parents would let him sleep over on their couch and invite him to eat breakfast with the family in the morning. He would take a bowl of oatmeal, plain oatmeal, and drink down a glass of orange juice while smiling and making polite conversation… He’d been doing the same thing every game night, every football season, for seven years. 

Just thinking about it made Gerard’s heart start pounding and he took a long drink of soda in hopes of calming himself—drinking it to take the edge off like some kind of wannabe alcoholic. 

He had finished most of the first two-liter of Pepsi before his mother finally caught on to him sneaking plates of food down to his bedroom and scolded him.

“Leave some for my friends _please._ I don’t see how you can still be so hungry… This has got to stop.” She said it mostly to herself, thinking out loud, but it wasn’t anything Gerard hadn’t heard before.

He needed to stop eating so much, she’d say. She was worried about his health, worried about being able to afford his appetite, worried about what the kids at school were saying about him. Didn’t he know being overweight was as close to an invitation for bullying as he could get?

Didn’t _she_ know that it wasn’t about hunger? That was a question Gerard wished he could ask. Didn’t she understand that he didn’t eat because he was hungry… He ate because he needed something to do—he needed something to take the edge off, take his mind off, whatever sick, awful thing was about to happen.

Ignoring his mother’s complaints, Gerard snuck another plate of chips down to his bedroom and curled up in his desk chair with his headphones on, eating mouthful after mouthful of the salty, vaguely cheese flavored chips as he drafted a rough sketch. He couldn’t concentrate enough to make the drawing worth a damn and the fact that he couldn’t get any part of it to look right stressed him out. 

He felt like he was about to hyperventilate, or that his heart was about to burst, as he heard the guests start filing in upstairs. 

He heard women cheering, exclaiming their warm greetings to his mother who gushed right back at them with the same enthusiasm. His father greeted his friends in a deep, booming voice… Gerard couldn’t help it… He paused his music as he heard them coming in. He listened, knowing he was torturing himself, until he made out _his_ voice.

“Oh! Yeah, it’s been a minute! Haha! Where are the boys?” He asked. 

“Mikey’s staying at a friend’s house this weekend. They’ve got some game day party too, I guess.”

“Ah, Gerard go with him then?”

“No, no. You know him. He keeps to himself.” That was his father’s way of saying Gerard wasn’t invited to come. If he could’ve, he would’ve gone in an instant. He’d give anything to be anywhere but home on game nights. 

Gerard put his headphones back on and took another long drink from his cup of soda. 

Maybe he should’ve just lied and said he was going. Maybe he could’ve just walked around all night and maybe hid somewhere in the park or huddled up in an alley somewhere until it was safe to come back home. 

He had the same thoughts every game night, every time he knew Johnny was coming over.

Gerard did his best to make himself scarce as his parents’ and their friends watched the football game upstairs, but every now and then the compulsion would return and he’d find himself creeping back up the steps to get more soda or something to snack on—anything to put in his mouth that would distract him from how afraid he was, how helpless he felt.

As he poured himself a cup of Mtn Dew, he felt eyes on him—knew they were Johnny’s, knew he was being watched. 

The man hadn’t come around in a while, about four or five months, and Gerard knew there was no way in Hell he was going to be able to escape tonight. 

The noise upstairs went on until after midnight, then people began filing out of the house except Johnny who stayed to talk with his father a bit before it happened.

Oh, God, it was happening…

Gerard felt his breaths coming sharper and sharper as the house went absolutely quiet. 

He was still sat at his desk, his pencil in hand, but he hadn’t made a single new line on the page in front of him in what felt like hours. He was locked in place, straining to hear even the faintest of noises upstairs.

Gerard felt pathetic when he realized he was already in tears before he even heard Johnny get up from the couch. He heard each and every step overhead as the man neared the basement door...he opened it without saying anything, started coming down in silence…

Gerard wanted to start screaming, but it wouldn’t change anything. It would just make Johnny agitated and things went better when Gerard just...obeyed. 

“Hey, Darlin’. Didn’t feel like coming up to visit us this time? Not interested in the game?” Johnny asked, putting a hand on Gerard’s shoulder.

“Don’t like football,” Gerard choked out, his whole body shaking now as Johnny started rubbing his back.

“Whatcha cryin’ for? Hm? Wanna tell Johnny all about it?”

“No,” Gerard whispered, staring at his sketch as he choked back more tears.

That was how Johnny had gotten him the first time, all those years ago. He’d been upset about something childish, something stupid, and Johnny had come to comfort him. At the time, Gerard had been so enamored with his father’s best friend. Johnny always brought him and Mikey presents, always listened to Gerard babble about school and movies and comics he liked. When Johnny came downstairs to ask him why he was so sad, Gerard told him everything and let the man hug him. 

He let Johnny touch him and it never fucking stopped.

“You know what I like to do when I’ve had a rough day?” Johnny asked. It was a fake question. It was just a way for him to lead into his justification for every sick thing he was about to do. It was what he did the first time, too…

Gerard squirmed as Johnny hugged him from behind, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and kissing his neck. The way the older man’s stubble scraped at his neck made Gerard want to vomit, but he was trapped in place with nowhere to go as Johnny’s left hand sunk steadily lower…

Gerard squeezed his eyes shut, frozen with dread and fear as the older man’s hands worked their way under his clothes. 

He was moved from his desk to his bed, slowly losing articles of clothing as he went despite his best efforts to cling to them. All he managed was a low-pitched whine of utter terror as his t-shirt was pulled off over his head—all of him exposed to Johnny’s prying eyes. 

“You’ve really been packing on the pounds, haven’t ya?” Johnny asked, cackling like he’d been told a great joke while smacking one of his palms against Gerard’s pale stomach.

A sob broke out and Gerard tried to pull away from him, backing up against his headboard because he was too afraid to shove the other man away or try to run. How pathetic was he? How stupid and foolish? Johnny had never beaten him or punched him or tortured him, yet Gerard was still so petrified in his presence. 

“We’ve gotta get you on some kind of a diet or somethin’. This just ain’t right. This ain’t how you’re supposed to look.” Johhny smacked his stomach again and laughed, before patting his hand on Gerard’s thick thigh instead. “I bet it’ll feel great to squeeze though...won’t it?” As if to test his theory, he splayed out his fingers and wrapped them around Gerard’s upper thigh, squeezing it until Gerard whimpered and tried twisting away. “Come on, Darlin’. You act like you don’t like this.”

“I don’t!” Gerard sobbed, not sure what to do with his hands as Johnny started crawling closer to him on the bed. He wanted to cover himself or hide his face, but all he ended up doing was crossing his arms over his chest and digging his nails into his arms. 

He was pulled down onto the mattress with Johnny over top of him, kissing and chewing his neck until Gerard’s body couldn’t help but comply. 

That was the absolute worst part.

His head and his heart were both screaming in fear and pain, and his body slowly succumbed to the tingling pleasure of a hot mouth on his throat, on his jawline. Johnny kissed him on the mouth, hard and filthy, and Gerard kissed back even though he was crying. 

Every time their mouths would separate, Gerard would sob and turn his face away from Johnny who cooed sick compliments at him—ignoring his tears all together while getting himself undressed and starting the second half of their ritual. 

“Please don’t. Please—Please don’t,” Gerard whispered over and over as Johnny forced his legs apart and ran his fingers between Gerard’s cheeks. Even the slightest pressure against his hole made Gerard’s entire body go rigid and he felt dangerously close to hyperventilating again Johnny worked a single finger inside. 

“Come on… We go through this every time. When are you gonna be a good boy for me, huh? I don’t want to see you cry. I want to see that pretty little face of yours. I wanna see that gorgeous little o-face. Why don’t you moan for me?” He asked all these sick questions as he forced a second finger inside.

“I don’t like it,” Gerard cried. He’d said it every time. Every single time—even the first time. 

_I don’t like it. I don’t like it, Johnny! It feels weird..._

He cried every time, and Johnny never stopped.

“You come every time. How can you say you don’t like it? You love this. You know you love this. Why do you have to keep playin’ hard to get? Don’t you know it’s just easier to be a good little boy and moan for me? Spread your legs a little more. Come on.”

When he didn’t open his legs further, Johnny smacked him on the pudgy thigh and squeezed it—moaning in his own sick pleasure. 

“I love how your skin feels, Darlin’. Love feeling it spilling through my fingers. God, you’re so soft.”

Gerard continued sobbing and Johnny continued spewing his lustful words until he started sucking on Gerard’s throat again. 

Pathetic moans slipping in between Gerard’s cries of despair, but he couldn’t even make a sound as Johnny finally forced himself all of the way inside. Their mouths were still crushed together while Johnny yanked Gerard’s head forward at an almost unnatural angle just to be able to kiss him while pushing in and leaning over Gerard’s protruding stomach. The extra weight didn’t stop Johnny from taking him, but it made it harder for him to twist Gerard around in whatever way he liked. 

It helped Gerard have some kind of control over what his body was being made to do. 

He grunted and moaned in time with Johnny’s relentless thrusting, his body giving involuntary little spasms each time as sparks of unwanted pleasure shot up his spine. Johnny tried to get his hand between them to touch Gerard between his legs, but couldn’t. Gerard’s stomach was in the way—his thick thighs in the way. 

Johnny couldn’t touch him there.

For once, Johnny couldn’t touch him there and Gerard’s heart screamed out in victory even though he was still being forced to kiss the vile man—even though he was still on the cusp of a climax he didn’t want. The pain wasn’t worth the small bolt of pleasure he got from coming. The shame, the humiliation… It was killing him. It was destroying him piece by piece. 

Gerard let out a strangled scream as Johnny started thrusting into him harder, his body still teeming from his orgasm and rendered worthless and oversensitive as the older man used him. It wasn’t exactly painful. It hurt, but not badly. What bothered him was knowing what was about to happen—what was about to fill him and drip from him and stain his bedding and clothes. He squirmed against Johnny’s hips, trying weakly to get the other man to stop without ever speaking the words or shoving him away. He writhed and choked and then kissed Johnny back as he felt the man’s seed shoot inside of him. He wanted the kiss to distract him—he wanted to forget for just a second that this was violent and horrific and _gross._

Johnny stayed with him after it was over, spooning him and petting his hair like he was some kind of treasured pet. Gerard clutched onto his pillow, no longer sobbing but shivering as he got used to the disgusting feelings left over in his body. He wished the other man would just go away, but knew it wouldn’t happen. Johnny was obsessed with him and would take whatever time he could get, even if it meant neither of them got any sleep.

Gerard couldn’t sleep if he was there and Johnny wouldn’t even close his eyes longer than it took to blink in fear he’d pass out and Don would find them in bed together come morning. 

He was forced to lay there, feeling Johnny’s hand run up and down his side in a mock gesture of comfort. 

It was going on three a.m. and Gerard could only lay there, feeling the other man start to grow stiff a second time against his lower back. 

It was almost three in the morning and he was going to be made to go another round before he had to get up for school in the morning.

( ) ( ) ( )

Frank knew he shouldn’t be up this late. He logically knew that. He knows he has school tomorrow and that he has an economics test that is already going to kick his ass and that he should definitely be studying for more. Frank however, has neglected to do any schoolwork at all tonight and it’s already going on three am. 

The problem though, is that Frank is a teenage boy with hormones, and desires that _need_ to be met. Desires that his family can’t possibly know about. His parents would be outraged if they knew what their son was up to this late at night. They would probably try to have him exorcised by their priest or shipped off to some boarding school in the middle of fucking nowhere without access to the internet if they knew.  

Frank couldn’t be happier with what he was doing though and he didn't care that it was super late at night. This was the _only_ time he had to himself where he knew his parents wouldn't walk in on him. If there was any chance, _any chance at all_ that Frank would be walked in on, he wouldn’t even attempt to try and get away with what he was doing. 

Frank looked at the screen in front of him with mesmerized eyes. There were so many beautiful people on the screen that he couldn’t even decide which one to click on. See, Frank is a very active member of the fantasy feeder community. Frank stumbled upon this glorious website about a year ago and instantly fell in love with it. Frank had never even considered that there could be enough people with the same fetish as him to make a _whole fucking website_ about it. A website where other people, _real life people_ , like Frank shared the same fetish. Fat. 

If someone asked Frank about what turned him on, he’d probably tell them that guys with good personalities and great looks do it for him. He would never in a million years admit to anyone who actually _knew_ him that someone being morbidly obese is what turns him on like nothing else. 

Watching people eat, watching people _be fed_ , watching people get so big that they can’t even walk, that shit excites him. Watching someone get obese for other people, for _him_ , almost gives him a heart attack every time he thinks about it. 

He doesn’t really know why exactly he likes fat people so much. Both of his parents are fit and healthy people, and frank has always been a tiny dude himself. Frank himself doesn’t want to be fat though. Frank has no interest in getting out of shape himself, but helping _someone else_ get out of shape, now that he can get behind. That was what he was up to at the current moment. 

Frank’s family has a decent income. Decent enough to afford private school, and to allow Frank to have his own debit card filled by his weekly allowance. Frank makes sure to never spend an obscene amount of money on this website, but he often finds himself sending people money for food. He almost _always_ sends money when he finds a guy trying to gain on the website. It’s not like he just sends people money and gets nothing in return. Frank wouldn’t just waste money like that, he couldn't, he needs to spend his money wisely so his parents don’t catch on, but Frank can’t pass up on the chance to feed people he finds attractive. He would be crazy to not send them anything, especially not when this is what he gets in return. These live videos.

He gets to fucking watch people eat the food _he_ sent them, and watch them gain weight all because of _him_. He loves it. He could do it all day and would if he could. Frank would absolutely _kill_ to be someone’s feeder in real life. He always thinks about it and he knows exactly whom he would want but it’s too bad that who he wants is basically impossible for him to obtain. The kid goes to Frank’s fucking school and he has to see him every day and fantasize about him while knowing he can never actually have him. 

The main reasons would be 1) this kid probably isn’t even gay 2) he probably isn’t into gaining weight for someone else 3) he would probably think Frank is a fucking freak 4) Frank doesn’t even know him well enough to be considered his friend. 

The kids name is Gerard Way. He has long black hair, a brother named Mikey, lives about two blocks away from Frank, is into rock music, taller than Frank, and is fucking gorgeous. Probably around two hundred and fifty pounds of gorgeous. 

Frank knows Gerard knows who he is. It’s kind of inevitable that you _at least_ know everyone in your grade when you go to a small private school like theirs. Frank has just never really actually talked to Gerard. He’s scared that Gerard would reject him as a friend and then Frank wouldn’t even have the chance to fantasize about him. The pain of knowing it would never happen would crush Frank so refuses to let it happen. 

Frank has spoken to his brother quite a few times. The kid’s pretty smart and is even in the same math class as Frank. He always offers to help tutor Frank at lunch when they're about to have a math test. Frank has never tried to become more than a study partner to Mikey. He enjoys watching Gerard too much and can’t afford to get caught. Mikey seems like the kind of kid who could read his mind if he spends enough time with him, and that thought terrifies him. He’ll take the few minutes of sitting near Gerard while he eats lunch as Mikey tutors him every time he can, but he can’t lose him. He can’t let him know that he’s obsessed with him. Can’t let him know that he’s what Frank’s wet dreams are made of. 

( ) ( ) ( )

The next morning was hell for Gerard. He felt nothing more than shame as he made himself crawl stiffly out of bed and creep upstairs to shower, ignoring his mother’s cheerful good morning as she makes breakfast. He scans the room, but Johnny seems to have gone home already which is unusual. Typically he likes to have breakfast with them, but Gerard thought maybe he had to be at work early this week. His father is already sitting at the table, watching the news on the small kitchen TV. 

They don’t seem to notice the way Gerard’s steps falter or the way his legs tremble as he moves. They never do… They never notice how hurt he is or how afraid he is after game nights. They don’t care…

It’s just like Johnny always told him. They don’t notice and they wouldn’t care if they did. Who could care about him, honestly? With the way he looked?—With how stupid he was? Who would ever believe a word he said?

As soon as the bathroom door closed behind him, Gerard felt the tears well up again. He couldn’t look at himself in the mirror as he quickly undressed and turned on the tap in the bathtub. He let the water run hot—too hot—and then clipped it over to the shower setting and stepped inside, quickly drawing the curtain around him to keep himself hidden as he cried. 

His skin felt like it was boiling, but he refused to turn down the temperature. He wanted to hurt—he wanted to feel every single trace of Johnny’s touch melt away and die. 

He scrubbed himself raw, paying sickeningly close attention to the flecks of dried cum on his thighs and between his cheeks. Johnny had quit prioritizing condoms once Gerard reached high school. Gerard didn’t know why, or if there even was a reason when it came to the things Johnny made him do. He just wished he didn’t have to feel so repulsive afterwards. No matter how lost in the moment he could sometimes force himself to be, there was never any peace of mind or distraction from the filth he had to scrape off his skin.

“Gerard! You’re going to be late! I’m not sending you to school with wet hair again! Get out of that shower already!” His mother called, pounding on the door.

The invasion just made Gerard start shivering even before he forced himself to turn off the water. He wrapped himself in a dry towel as quickly as he could, trying not to think about how gross he felt as he wiped his skin dry. 

He hated the feel of his own flesh beneath his hands. He hated what he saw in the foggy mirror—a pale blob of fat, a worthless toy for Johnny to break.

Gerard ruffled his hair as dry as he could, taking as much extra time as he could to give the tear stains on his face time to dry before he got dressed and went down to join his family at the table. His father had left for work by that point and Mikey was finally up and eating a bowl of cereal. 

Gerard had a plate of bacon and pancakes set in front of him along with a small bowl of oatmeal. He simultaneously hated it and loved it that his mother seemed to understand him. She scolded him for his weight from time to time, but was part of the reason he’d gotten as big as he had. She never let him go hungry or tried to limit how much he ate.

“You look upset today,” his mother said, sitting down to her own little cup of yogurt. She pretended that she was dieting, but Gerard knew that as soon as she dropped him and Mikey off at school, she’d be digging into the snacks buried in the back of the fridge. They were too much alike, only she had a reason to want to be thinner.

Gerard had the opposite.

Johnny couldn’t touch him last night… Johnny tried, but Gerard’s fat stomach was in the way. If he got even bigger—if he got fucking huge—maybe Johnny would finally be put off or completely incapable of sticking it in.

If he just kept eating, maybe Johnny would go away. That would be worth all the name-calling and bullying at school. That would make everything worth it.

( ) ( ) ( )

Frank walked to study hall bored out of his mind. He hadn’t done well on his economics test and he knew it. He also knew that because of this his mood was going to be shit and that he wasn’t going to try on anything else today. It wasn’t that Frank disliked school, it was that school disliked him. 

It was bullshit when people tried to deny that teachers picked favorites. They so fucking did, and Frank was never one of them. He never even really did anything bad but just because he wasn’t trying to be the teacher’s pet didn’t mean he deserved to be treated like shit. 

Frank plopped down in a chair at the far corner of the classroom and put his head down on the desk. He looked up when the bell signaling the start of the period rang because that meant that everyone would be in the room — Gerard would be in the room. Frank looked to the right and saw Gerard one row in front of him and only three seats over. 

This study hall didn’t have assigned seats and Frank felt ecstatic that Gerard had sat closer than normal to him, even though it was most definitely not intentional on Gerard’s part. Franks stared intently as he waited for Gerard to pull food out of his book bag. It was what he did every day in this class despite getting told to put it away as soon as he started to eat it. 

However, Gerard just sat there with a distracted look on his face. Frank had seen this face before but not for a pretty long time; Frank would almost dare to say it’d been months since he’d seen that face. The look on his face was one of detachment. It was like Gerard wasn’t even really in the room. It took some kid dropping his textbook on the ground to shake Gerard out of his thoughts. 

Then, like clockwork, Gerard pulled a Pop Tart out of his book bag and began to eat it while pretending to read over his math book. 

“Gerard the rules haven’t changed,” the teacher’s voice called out. “Put the food away.” 

Gerard just looked up at the teacher and ignored him, shoving another piece of the Pop Tart in his mouth. 

“Gerard, either put it away or throw it out.” 

“Alright, alright. I heard you,” Gerard groaned. He stood up and Frank could have died when he heard the creak is chair made when he moved. He also had to hold back a moan when Gerard shoved the rest of the Pop Tart in his mouth and threw out the wrapper. 

This got a couple laughs from the other kids who found his spite of the teacher funny but Frank was about to die. Gerard waked back to his seat and it creaked as he sat back down then pulled out a bottle of Coke from his bag. 

Frank realized that he wasn’t going to pull out more food and frowned to himself. He sat quietly and looked at Gerard’s body, the way it folded and flopped around every time he moved for the rest of the period. 

Frank figured the rest of day was bound to be shit because he had no other classes with Gerard today due to one of them being cancelled. He almost couldn’t believe how unlucky he could be when he found out that the math test he originally thought was tomorrow was actually today. He was absolutely fucked, but then remembered what exactly that meant. 

“Mikey! Dude, did you hear?” Frank asked sitting down across from Mikey and diagonal from Gerard who was eating a burger and fries form the school cafeteria along with a packed lunch from home. 

“Hear what?” Mikey asked taking a bite of his measly peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

“The math test? It’s today,” Frank responded trying to keep his eyes on Mikey as much as he could to not seem suspicious. It was really hard considering Gerard was sitting there eating two fucking lunches. It was also hard because that look on Gerard’s face from earlier was back. Frank was curious but he couldn't ask what was wrong with him. Not like this. 

“Frank the math test has been today for the past week,” Mikey laughed. 

“Fuck! I guess I’m the only who didn’t know,” Frank said a little dejectedly. He kind of felt dumb that everyone else seemed to know about this except him. He felt especially dumb when he saw Gerard watching their conversation. 

“So I’m assuming you came over here for help?” Mikey questioned. 

Frank nodded tearing his gaze away from Gerard and that look on his face. “Yeah... Help.” 

( ) ( ) ( )

“Franklin.” The teacher called out from their desk. Frank breathed in and braced himself as he walked to the front of the room to get his math test back. On his way up he made eye contact with Mikey who was giving him a grin along with a bony thumbs up. 

Frank reached his arm out once he reached Ms. Flynn’s desk. She handed him the test curved and faced down so no one else in the room could see his grade. Frank frowned knowing exactly what that meant. He trudged back to his desk and after sitting down, finally looked at his grade. A fucking sixty two percent. He’d completely bombed the test. After flipping through the pages marked with multiple X’s over his work Frank found the bright red note left on the last page. ‘Required Test Corrections.’ 

A kick in the leg brought Frank out of his thoughts. He looked over to see Mikey giving him a questioning glance. Frank frowned and shook his head. “I did bad. Real bad. Hey!”

Mikey snatched the paper out of Frank hands before he even had a chance to protest. Frank didn’t want the person who was fucking tutoring him to see how bad he did. “Frank, man, we went over how to do these.” 

“I know, I know but I get nervous and I blank out on how to do them and just... Yeah.” Frank trailed off, not wanting to look Mikey in the eye. 

“Do you have to do corrections?” 

“Yeah,” Frank sighed. 

“Ask her if you can retake it. She’s let me before. It’ll get you more points if you can ace it instead of just doing corrections. I can, like, help tutor you more.” 

“But—”

“It’s Wednesday. Ask her if you can take it Friday or something. Ms. Flynn’s a reasonable person and this is gonna crush your grade, man,” Mikey argued. 

“You promise you’ll be able to help me pass?” Frank questioned ,raising an eyebrow at Mikey. He really didn’t want to put effort into studying just to retake the test and bomb it a second time. 

“Swear on it.”

 

On Thursday, Frank walked into the cafeteria, math book in hand. He headed over toward Mikey’s usual seat, but didn’t find him. He saw Gerard sitting there eating and decided that he’d just wait for Mikey who was probably just in line buying food. This also gave him the excuse to be near Gerard while he ate which Frank was not about to pass up. 

Gerard glanced up when he saw Frank coming over towards him and panicked. Mikey wasn’t here today. He had woken up with a fever and threw up after attempting to eat breakfast, which meant there was no way he was coming to school today. Frank wasn’t a mean person, or at least Gerard didn’t think so. He had a few classes with him, but Gerard liked to keep to himself; he felt safer when it was just him surrounded by Mikey and food.

Frank looked at Gerard awkwardly biting on the eraser of his pencil. 

“Uhm... Hey, do you know where Mikey is?” Frank questioned after a few minutes and no sign of Mikey. 

Gerard coughed, choking on some chips from the sudden conversation. He felt his face grow red as he tried to cough and get his voice back to normal. God he was such a fucking failure. 

“He, uh, he didn’t come to school today.” 

Frank just kind of sat there staring at him for a minute, not sure of what to do. Mikey wasn’t here but he had already sat down with Gerard and didn’t want to seem rude and leave him alone. He also really didn’t want to leave when Gerard was eating only a foot away from him. 

“You, uh…. He, like—Mikey tutors you in Trig, right? Like, that’s why you’re here. To, uhm, to get tutored?” Jesus, Gerard sounded like an idiot. He was an absolute fucking freak. No wonder the only person who paid attention to him only wanted him for an activity that didn’t require any kind of social skills. 

Frank coughed, “Yeah. I failed my last test and so I asked Flynn if I could retake it and Mike said he would help me.” 

“When are you retaking it?” Gerard asked. 

“I’m supposed to take it tomorrow.” 

“I can, like, y’know,” Gerard said gesturing at Frank’s textbook, which caused Frank to furrow his eyebrows together. “I took Trig last year and since Mikey isn’t like _here—”_ Gerard paused and breathed in deeply, debating whether or not this was a good idea. He didn’t know if he really wanted to help Frank, and not because Frank was weird, but because he kind of always stared at him whenever Mikey was helping him. 

Gerard couldn’t decipher whether his staring was a good or bad thing. No one except Johnny ever paid any attention to him, but Johnny wanted _something_ from him. Frank just wanted math help. _Unless_ Frank was just really cruel and stared at him because of his overeating. 

Gerard knew he shouldn’t eat like this in school, knew it would draw bad attention to him, but he just couldn’t help it. He was always scared and the only way he knew how to occupy his mind was to eat food. Gerard decided that he didn’t want to sit alone for the rest of the lunch period and finally finished his sentence. 

“I can tutor you if you want.” 

Frank had actually been glancing over Gerard’s food while he paused. He took note of how many calories Gerard was consuming and realized that he needed to stop thinking about it because he was seriously about to have to jack off in the school bathrooms. The response from Gerard was enough to bring Frank back into reality. Gerard was offering to tutor him. This was Frank’s best dream and worst nightmare rolled into one. He hesitated to answer and Gerard took the lack of response as a no.

“Sorry, you don’t have to. I just thought that—” 

“Really?” Frank asked excitedly once he realized that Gerard wanted to help him. _Gerard_ was the one who offered. “That would be amazing! I really can’t fail this so, yeah, no any help would be like, super appreciated.”

Gerard smiled at Frank. “Okay cool, what lesson are you on?” 

( ) ( ) ( )

Frank was so ready to crush his math test. So fucking ready. Gerard managed to make math one of the most entertaining subjects of Frank’s life yesterday, mainly due to the face that Frank got to watch Gerard write with his chubby fingers and explain graphs while talking with his mouth full. Frank felt confident going into his math class for the first time all year. 

Frank walked into the room and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a substitute sitting at Ms. Flynn’s desk. He walked over to old lady he’d never seen before. “Hi. I’m Frank. Franklin? Ms. Flynn was supposed to have a makeup test for me?”

The teacher looked over the notes she had before looking up at Frank. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t see anything about a makeup test on here. Do you know if any of these are it?” The sub asked, pointing at some worksheets on the desk. Frank looked through them but none of them were his test. 

“No, none of these look like it,” he told her, getting anxious. He wanted to take his test now. He knew how do it _now._ He couldn’t believe this was happening to him. 

“Well, Franklin, lucky for you then. I’ll write Ms. Flynn a note and I’m sure she’ll let you take it on Monday.” The woman smiled at him. Frank knew it wasn’t her fault, but he was so mad at this lady. He just wanted to take his fucking test. 

When the bell rang for the end of the period Frank walked to his next class and sat down sadly in the back corner of the room. He felt other people sit down near him but he paid them no attention until someone poked him in the arm, which was fucking rude considering it was a study hall and Frank didn’t have to do shit if he didn’t want to. 

Frank peered up from his desk when he received another poke, and sat straight up when he saw who was poking him. Gerard was looking at Frank concernedly, while holding a bottle of Coke in his hands. He almost spilled his drink when Frank sat up so quickly.

“Uh, how’d the test go? Good?” Gerard's asked, putting a frown on Frank’s face. 

“I didn’t take it.” 

“What? Why? You knew how to solve the problems,” Gerard stated. 

“I know. There was a sub and I guess Flynn didn’t leave her my test. Now I have to take it Monday and I’m going to forget everything by then.” Frank frowned. 

Gerard got a look on his face that Frank couldn’t describe. It was like, all of a sudden, he was struck with an idea. He didn’t say anything back in response to Frank, but instead turned around in his seat, took a gulp of his Coke, and pulled out his phone. 

Frank sat and stared at Gerard. He figured he deserved something to make him feel better. He stared at Gerard’s ass and the way it filled his pants. Frank just wanted to know what it looked like underneath. Did his underwear cut into his skin? Did it sink into his rolls? Did it cause red marks across his skin? 

His skin was another area entirely that Frank thought about often. He imagined that Gerard would be _covered_ in stretch marks. Some probably faded and white, but most probably dark pink or purple from new weight. In the time that Frank had been obsessed with Gerard, he had seen him gain large amounts of weight. 

Frank never paid extreme attention to Gerard until Gerard started hitting the extremes himself. Gerard had always been big but it seemed that within the last year that he really started to pack on weight. He went from being big to being obese and it was all Frank could think about. 

He thought about how much he must eat at home considering how much he eats at school every day. He let his thoughts wander to whether or not Gerard stuffs himself for fun. Thinking about that, Gerard eating until he couldn’t anymore, started to have more of an effect on him than he expected. He felt his pants tighten and groaned when he realized he was getting a boner just _thinking_ about Gerard. 

He bit his lip debating what he should do. He looked over to Gerard once again to see him gulping down his drink, which, yup—Frank was going to go to the bathroom and jack off. Frank got up with his shirt pulled down as far as he could and put his hands in front of his junk without trying to be obvious. 

He quickly ran down the hall once he was out of the classroom and ducked into a thankfully empty bathroom. Frank went into the handicapped stall and locked it behind him. He unbuckled his pants and pulled down his boxers to his thighs. He gripped the base of his cock and groaned imagining it was Gerard. He imagines how Gerard's arm would jiggle and shake with the movement required for just a fucking hand job. 

He stroked himself hard and fast, knowing he had to finish and get back to study hall before the bell rang. He tried to think of how it would feel to fuck Gerard. How soft and doughy he would be to grab at. How his fat would spill through his fingers. But then Frank thought of Gerard _fucking him_ and he lost it. Gerard would literally _crush_ him and Frank fucking _wanted_ that. He finished into the toilet and then wiped himself clean with some toilet paper. He tucked himself away and redid his pants. 

Frank looked at himself in the mirror before leaving to check that he didn’t look like he had just jerked off because that would be really awkward if someone could tell and Frank would probably die of embarrassment. 

He washed his hands to try ensure that he’d return to class looking as normal as he did when he left. After one final glance at himself, Frank walked back towards the classroom and then took his seat diagonal from Gerard. 

As soon as he sat down, Gerard turned towards him. 

“I have an idea.” 

Frank gave Gerard a puzzled look. “An idea about what?” 

Gerard rubbed his hands along his thighs, probably just a nervous habit but Frank couldn’t ignore it and also so couldn’t jack off again, so he tried hard to focus on Gerard’s face. “So, like, only if you want to, you can, like... Y’know come over on Sunday, and I can go over everything with you so that you’re ready for the test on Monday. But, seriously, like only if you want to.” 

“Are fucking serious?” Frank asked smiling at Gerard. “Dude that’d be awesome! Do you think you could come to mine though?” Frank questioned without even really thinking about it. He wanted Gerard at his house. There was _so much_ food at his house that he could offer to Gerard. Frank’s mom also _loved_ to cook for her guests. Frank really wanted him to come over. 

“Oh,” Gerard said, not expecting that response at all. But then Gerard realized what that would mean. He could be at Frank’s house on Sunday. He could not be at home for once. He wouldn’t have to wait to see if Johnny would show up or not for game night and he wouldn’t have to be near him if he did show up. “Yeah, for sure. I just have to ask my parents.”

“Okay, cool.” Frank smiled, watching as Gerard texted his parents underneath his desk and out of sight from the teacher. Jesus, Frank was about to be in heaven. 

“I’ll let you know what they say at lunch. If you want to come, like, find me,” Gerard said with a lack of confidence. Frank really couldn’t understand why Gerard would think that he didn’t like him. He fucking _stared_ at him constantly, though Frank realized that the staring could be taken the wrong way. 

“Yeah I’ll see you at lunch.” Frank smiled. 

( ) ( ) ( )

Frank walked over to Gerard who waved at him as soon as he entered the cafeteria. Gerard had an unreadable look on his face which scared Frank a bit. 

“So I have some, uh, bad news,” Gerard said as Frank sat down across from him. “My parents don’t want me out on Sunday because it’s a school night.” 

Gerard was actually pretty sure his parents just didn’t believe he had made a friend. They let Mikey go out last Sunday, but not him this time. They probably thought he was going to disappear and go do drugs or eat more food that they didn’t want him to consume. It was bullshit, but it was true that Gerard never left house, and a Sunday night was a weird time to request freedom. Especially with a text sent during the middle of the day. 

Frank frowned. Now he wasn’t going to get to offer Gerard food or be able to pass his math test. 

“But they said you could…come to my house,” Gerard trailed off unsure of what Frank’s response would be. 

Luckily for Gerard, Frank broke into a giant grin. 

“Yeah, what time should I come over?” 

( ) ( ) ( )

At first, Gerard had wanted to be confident and say his plan was foolproof. He didn’t know Frank all too well, outside of his being friends with Mikey, but he knew the boy came from money and that his parents were anything but strict with him. Frank behaved alright compared to most people. He wasn’t known for going around picking fights and he wasn’t one of the countless bullies Gerard encountered, quick to make fun of him for being overweight. So when he offered for Frank to stay the weekend so they could study, he didn’t even consider that Frank’s parents might say no…

They could spend either Saturday or Sunday studying together, but he couldn’t stay either night. He could stay until _later,_ Frank kept ensuring him, but he couldn’t _sleep_ over.

Gerard didn’t think that was going to be enough…

He went from feeling confident and secure to panicked. He thought he’d found an out, and it was horrifying to have that small bit of comfort torn away from him.

It was hard to see anything in a positive light after that, really. Friday night and most of Saturday, Frank kept sending Gerard texts that he barely answered. The guy seemed really interested in talking to him, that Gerard couldn’t ignore, but it was stupid to assume the guy wanted anything remotely close to friendship from him. He had Mikey, what did he need Gerard for? What did he need a fat freak for?

No… Frank was texting non-stop because he wanted to make sure Gerard didn’t back out on studying Sunday afternoon and that was it. He wanted to make sure he passed his math test. Frank wasn’t looking to make a new friend out of Mikey’s waste-of-space brother, Gerard was just a means to an end—a solution to a temporary problem.

It was no different than with Johnny. He acted kind and pretended he was Gerard’s friend, but in reality Gerard meant nothing to him—not a single thing. He was a means to an end… Not even a person, just a tool.

Gerard reminded himself of that every time he’d see a text message from Frank pop up on his phone. It wasn’t an offer for friendship. It wasn’t positive attention… It was just him letting himself be used every time he answered, and he hated himself for being lonely enough to answer.

That was how he passed his Saturday, wallowing and hating himself for it before he found himself unable to sleep Saturday night. Part of him was excited to have Frank come over to see him instead of Mikey, part of him hated himself for daring to get excited as if Frank actually _wanted_ to see him and not just use him, and the rest of him was dreading Johnny’s visit for game day. He still was desperately hoping that Frank’s presence would be enough to throw Johnny off—that maybe he’d think Frank was staying over and leave him alone…

It was awful to feel so afraid and so hopeful all at once.

( ) ( ) ( )

Frank didn’t come over until well after two o’clock that afternoon. He seemed agitated about something and Gerard chose not to ask about it as he gathered some snacks and cans of soda to take downstairs with them to the basement to study.

“Is Mikey still sick?” Frank asked, his eyes seeming to be scanning Gerard as he spoke. The gaze made Gerard’s skin start to crawl, his whole body tensing up as he anticipated a comment about his weight or a jab at all the snacks he’d brought downstairs for them.

It never came and Frank’s gaze flitted away to Gerard’s bookshelf full of comics and horror novels. He was quick to comment on them, his eyes even seeming to light up when he read off Stephen King’s name. He loved _Pet Sematary,_ he said and then asked if Gerard had read it.

“Not yet,” Gerard mumbled, still shaking off the tension from before.

“Your house is pretty packed right now. Is it usually like that?”

“Game day,” Gerard said, grabbing a bag of chips out of habit and tearing it open. “My dad invites all his friends over during football season…sometimes for March Madness, too. I…” Gerard didn’t know what he was going to follow the words up with, but he quit talking when he noticed how intently Frank was watching him as he started to take a bite of the potato chips.

He felt so ashamed whenever someone really watched him eat—not like his show of defiance in the study hall at school. He knew his eating habits were bad and his diet poor. He knew he was unhealthy and it was his own fault for getting as big as he had… He just couldn’t help it. Eating comforted him. Eating let him control at least one thing that happened to his body; and maybe if he gained enough weight, Johnny would find him loathsome and finally leave him be.

“We should probably get started,” Gerard said, turning his back to Frank as he stuffed the chips into his mouth.

Gerard still felt ashamed as he started working with Frank, his hands twitching every now and then with want for a snack or a drink of soda. It tripled anytime he heard Johnny’s voice upstairs, but he couldn’t bring himself to eat with Frank _staring_ at him every time he tried. He opened a soda and barely took a sip before abandoning it as well. He hated having to feel so judged…

“Are you okay?” Frank asked, drawing Gerard out of his spinning thoughts.

“What?”

“Are you okay? You look kind of uncomfortable. I’m not making you miss the game, am I? I didn’t know you wanted to watch it.”

“I don’t!” Gerard said, probably sounding too defensive to Frank who had no idea about the monster sitting upstairs. “I just… I’m kind of hungry is all. I’m always hungry, I guess,” he added meekly. That had to be what Frank was thinking of him—that he must always be hungry and always eating to get so fat.

“Do you want me to order something?” Frank asked, his eyes lighting up as if Gerard had offered him a gift. “I can get us pizza or something.”

“We have food upstairs. You don’t have to buy anything. If you’re hungry, too, we can go get some. My mom always buys a lot for game days.”

“Yeah, sure! It’s hard to work on an empty stomach. I’m always starving,” Frank said, getting to his feet all the while staring at Gerard who pulled himself up as well.

Why was he acting so normal and sounding so friendly when he was staring at Gerard like that?—Like he wanted to say something about his weight?

Or was it all just in Gerard’s head?

Gerard let that thought occupy his mind as he led Frank upstairs to the kitchen where his mother had laid out a spread of sub sandwiches, grocery store pizzas, and hot wings. Most of the wings were gone, but there was still a fair amount of sandwiches left which Frank gravitated to. The other boy seemed to grab more than he could possibly fit in his tiny body, but it gave Gerard the confidence he needed to grabbed as much food as he actually wanted—a few slices of pizza, what was left of the wings, and a sandwich for himself.

Just before he got back to the basement stairs, though, a familiar voice called out to him and stopped him in his tracks.

“Finally done hiding?—Oh, I didn’t know you had a friend over.”

Gerard turned to face Johnny, trying to hide how afraid he was for Frank’s sake. God, the last thing he wanted was to have to answer questions. He could feel the blood draining from his face, though, and worried that it might already be too late.

“This is Frank,” Gerard said, trying to keep his voice even so Frank wouldn’t be able to tell that anything was wrong.

“Uh, hi,” Frank said, nodding a little bit in Johnny’s direction.

“Is he staying the night? You have school tomorrow morning,” Johnny said, helping himself to some pizza while never taking his eyes off Gerard.

“We’re studying for a math test,” Gerard said, not willing to say Frank was leaving. Maybe he could convince Johnny that Frank was staying the night. If Johnny didn’t see him leave, he wouldn’t know until morning that he’d been tricked.

“Is that right… I was always good in math too. If you guys get stuck, you can always ask me for help. I’d be glad to help.” He was staring at Gerard blankly, clearly upset that someone else was here and inhibiting his plans. He was so angry about it, he couldn’t even try to act normal.

As soon as he and Frank were back downstairs, Frank commented on it.

“That guy’s weird.”

“He’s my dad’s best friend,” Gerard said, quickly digging in to the chicken wings on his plate. The bones gave him something to bite into, something to take his anxiety out on, without Frank really noticing.

“He gives me the creeps,” Frank said, his mouth full of sandwich.

“Yeah…” Gerard busied himself with the chicken wings, too anxious to care if Frank was watching him or not as he licked the sauce off his fingers and moved on to the slices of pizza.

They talked a little while they ate, Frank discussing some TV show Gerard had never watched, then went back to working on the practice problems Gerard had pulled from the book to help Frank study.

It seemed that the time flew past when they really settled in to working, taking breaks now and then to talk about the latest Marvel movies and horror flicks. Before Gerard knew it, the clock next to his bed was reading 10:45PM in blaring red digits.

His heart sank as he read the numbers, his heart dropping into his stomach when he heard the chatter even getting quiet upstairs.

People were leaving. Frank was going to be leaving…

That meant—No. Gerard refused to think about it. He refused to accept it. Frank had to stay—he had to stay later and maybe his parents would give up and just let him sleep over on a school night.

“Maybe we could watch a movie,” Gerard blurted out. “I-I got this cool B Horror movie. It’s called Zombie Intervention or something… I-It’s a comedy horror. It’s not really scary. It’s—it’s different.” He started digging around his piles of movies and clutter, looking for the film while Frank stared at him as if he were crazy.

“It’s pretty late. I should probably get going home. Maybe sometimes next week I could come over and see it.”

“Are you sure you can’t stay a little later? It’s only…”

“It’s almost eleven. I-I kind of have to leave,” Frank said, looking reluctant but also put off by how hard Gerard was trying. He was uncomfortable… Gerard was making him uncomfortable.

“Right. I forgot you’re still a little kid with a curfew,” Gerard said, trying to taunt him in order to hide how anxious he was becoming. “Is it okay if I walk with you to get you home?”

“I’ll be okay. It’s pretty late anyway,” Frank said. He was still looking nervous and Gerard decided it was for the best if he let the issue drop. Frank didn’t want him walking him home. He wasn’t a toddler…he didn’t need supervised.

He was probably afraid the extra exercise would give Gerard a heart attack.

Gerard at least walked Frank upstairs and tried desperately to keep quiet as he showed him out the back door, evening keeping his voice down to a whisper as he told Frank goodbye and closed the door—hoping Johnny wouldn’t hear.

It was no use, though. When he turned around, Johnny was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, staring at him.

“I haven’t seen him around before,” Johnny said, coldly. He was jealous and Gerard could feel it, the sensation raising the hairs on the back of his neck.

“Yeah, I’m tutoring him in math,” Gerard said, shivering as he made his way down to the basement. It scared him worse when he heard Johnny coming down the stairs behind him.

What was this mad man thinking? His parents—everybody—were all still upstairs, still awake and cheering at their game. They’d notice him missing, right?

“Sure you are...” Johnny said, grabbing Gerard’s shoulder too close to his neck. It was a threat and Gerard had no idea what he’d done to make the other man angry. He felt his knees buckle as Johnny squeezed his shoulder painfully, threatening to spill him to the floor. “I saw the way he was looking at you.”

“He wasn’t looking at me,” Gerard said, his heart giving an awkward lurch in his chest. That wasn’t true and he knew it. Frank had been staring at him all night—either repulsed by him or intrigued. He didn’t seem put off by Gerard’s weight though, not like Gerard had initially thought. Or maybe he was imagining things...because when Johnny started pushing him down onto his knees, Gerard remembered how disgusting he was.

Frank was just too polite to mock him for being a fat fucking freak—because he was Mikey’s brother and because Frank needed help passing his test. That was the only reason his long, drawn out stares didn’t end in a snickered comment or joke.

Johnny kept his hand on Gerard’s shoulder, digging into it as he came around to stand in front of Gerard’s face. He used his other hand to undo his belt and zipper, then rubbed the head of his cock against Gerard’s turned face. 

“Come on. We don’t have all night.”

Gerard didn’t open his mouth to protest. He knew what would happen if he did. 

He kept his face defiantly turned away, squeezing his eyes shut as Johnny rubbed his cock against his clamped shut lips. 

“Come on. You’re always stuffing your mouth. Just put it to good use for once.”

The words made him grimace, pain shooting through his chest the moment before Johnny was forcing his jaw open and pushing inside. Gerard gagged around him, squirming to back away only to have Johnny yank his hair to keep him in place. He reached up to push against Johnny’s thighs, trying to get away, but failing as the man titled his hips back before ramming them forward—choking him again.

He kept doing it over and over, choking him and gagging him while Gerard struggled to even take a small breath. His jaw was screaming in agony and his throat burned—bile threatening to rise each time the head of Johnny’s cock rammed the back of his throat.

Tears spilled down his cheeks, dripping off his chin along with lines of drool and a small trickle of blood from his cracked lips. He had both of his hands desperately clenched in the front of Johnny’s pant legs, bracing himself against the abuse until Johnny finally finished with him. 

It was so much more violent this time than any time before. There were no affectionate words, no “I’m the only one who could possibly want you this way” talk. Just Johnny finishing down his throat and then walking away. He didn’t even say anything…

He just left.

Gerard stared after him, his mouth still open as he panted for air and tried to calm the churning in his stomach. 

He hated Johnny more than anything, but he was left feeling worse that the man didn’t offer any of his kind words this time. He felt like he’d ruined something...like he’d made something bad into something even worse—and all because he tried to help Frank, tried to put off the inevitable.

It was what he deserved, he guessed, for trying to run from his problems. For trying to use Frank as an escape.

Gerard trembled as he got to his feet and wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt before tearing it off and putting on something else. He wanted to go upstairs to brush his teeth, but was too afraid of seeing Johnny again. What if his parents noticed how disheveled he looked, anyway? Wouldn’t they just ask if something had happened?

Wouldn’t they ask if Frank had done something to him?

No, Gerard realized. They wouldn’t. They never asked why he was limping or why his lips were swollen in the past. They didn’t ask why he looked like he’d been crying the mornings after Johnny’s attacks. They didn’t see him… They didn’t know or didn’t care.

But even so, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything more than curl up in his bed with the lights on and the blankets over his face. He was too afraid to sleep… Too afraid that Johnny would come down for round two. 

He laid there shivering for hours...and hours. 

He heard the party die down upstairs, heard his parents talking...heard it go silent and then…

Footsteps.

Again.


	2. Chapter 2

One time was never enough for Johnny—no matter how often Gerard prayed otherwise.

He was left embarrassed and afraid, resisting only slightly before caving to the older man’s sick will. Johnny was being so rough with him tonight and he felt like dying as the ordeal drew out like a blade. Johnny was grabbing him and squeezing him, trying to maneuver his body in order to pound into him… But Gerard’s body was getting hard to move. His thighs were so thick that shoving his legs apart hardly granted access to what Johnny wanted, and his stomach hung too low to really be moved away from its normal resting place. 

Johnny, however, wasn’t giving up easily. If anything, he was trying harder and getting agitated each time Gerard’s fat slowed his movements. He was grabbing and thrusting and shoving and _hurting_ Gerard. 

Gerard's tears had started falling long ago. He just felt so sad and broken. Was being Johnny’s toy all he was good for? It seemed like it... Outside of this cruel, awful attention, he didn’t get much else. He had no real friends to speak of outside of Mikey, and then there was Frank...

He couldn’t even get Frank to stay and watch a movie with him. Frank had left his house after staring at him the entire night, and the thought of Frank being repulsed by him or fascinated by him as if he were a freak in a sideshow broke Gerard's heart. 

Gerard fixated on the short time he’d gotten to spend with Frank, somewhat escaping what was happening and also torturing himself with every aspect of the conversation that had gone wrong.

He had tried so hard to get Frank to stay and even offered to walk him home. Frank probably thought Gerard was obsessed with him after that. It was so clear that he just wanted to leave and Gerard just _had_ to push, it had to beg like a looser creep. 

Frank probably thought he was fucking pathetic. 

Gerard just wanted a friend, just someone to talk to and hang out with. Someone whose house he could go over to and be invited to out of kindness—not just because someone needed to pass a math test. 

Gerard was pulled viciously out of his thoughts as he felt Johnny finish inside of him. The unpleasant sting caused him to cry out and Johnny’s choked off, lurid praises made him lose what little composure he had. He started crying and shaking, trying to push the man away but not doing anything more than placing his palms on Johnny’s chest as he sobbed. 

In turn, Johnny clamped his hand over Gerard's mouth to muffle the loud cries and then leaned down to kiss and then whispering into his ear. 

“Shhh... Calm down,” he whispered, pressing a second unwanted kiss to Gerard’s jawline as he did. All it earned him was another pathetic screech of fear and sorrow as Gerard thrashed beneath him—trying to get away but still unwilling to throw a punch. 

Gerard felt like he was going to hyperventilate, Johnny’s hand not helping the matter much. He felt so wasteful, like he was just one giant fucking waste of space. He claimed to hate what Johnny did, but never bothered to fight against it—he just laid there and let it happen, or kissed back to keep himself from feeling as worthless and used up as he was. 

All he did to defend himself was eat and eat until he’d gained enough weight to prevent Johnny from physically moving him around on the bed like a doll. His body was becoming repulsive to even think about let alone see and feel, but he couldn’t deny that his strategy was working. Johnny had _actual_ trouble trying to move him around. It was a small victory, but Gerard felt so torn that his weight was probably going to save him from Johnny while tearing him away from Frank. 

There was no doubt in his mind that Frank was staring at him because of his weight—because he was so fucking huge that it was distracting for anyone who looked at him. He really wanted to be friends with Frank, maybe even have the other boy look at him fondly instead of with sick intrigue like Gerard was some kind of sideshow freak. He just wanted a friend… He just wanted some kind of _positive_ attention from someone who wasn’t _Johnny._ Someone who didn’t hurt him and scare him like this…

He wanted Frank. As he lay under Johnny, the older man’s hand still clasped over his mouth, he just wanted Frank. His friend crush was turning into real crush, and he just wanted to believe so badly in that awful moment that someone else could want to be with him like this. But how could he ever be that lucky? Especially with someone like Frank… Frank wouldn’t even pass him a second glance if he didn’t need Gerard’s help studying.

Gerard hadn’t even realized that he was still crying when Johnny started talking to him. “Hey, hey come on—stop crying. You know this is for the best. That kid you had over here, he wouldn’t do this for you. I’m the only one who will _ever_ do this for you. I know you like it… See?” 

Gerard breathed in deeply trying to calm himself when Johnny shoved his hand underneath his stomach and reached for his cock. That was the last thing Gerard wanted and what was left of his composure went flying right out the window. He started crying and choking on his own breaths, sobbing and retching as Johnny’s hand wrapped around him. He felt Johnny grasp him and start stroking, but he felt Johnny’s other hand pushing hard into his stomach and shoving it up so he could reach that part of him even more. Gerard felt like his shield was failing him. His stomach needed to be bigger. He needed stop Johnny from doing this to him and that felt like the only way.

He couldn’t take it. All Gerard wanted to do was eat. He just wanted to fucking eat so much that Johnny would finally stop being attracted to him. He would rather die of a heart attack than let Johnny do this. No matter how bad he wanted Frank to like him—even just as a friend—he knew that saving himself from Johnny was more important. He needed to gain weight—and quick.

( ) ( ) ( )

Frank sat on his bed staring at the wall. He had been doing this for the past two hours. He just couldn’t get what he had seen out of his head. When he came home, it was impossible to hide his foul mood and his mother had already stayed up far later than usual just to keep checking in on him. Did something happen? She kept asking. Did he and his friend have a fight? She asked him all these things but he never answered her. It was like there was a projector playing what Frank had seen like a movie on his bedroom wall. 

Frank admittedly knew that he shouldn’t have been stalking Gerard. He was thinking with dick and not his head, and that dick of his led him to Gerard's bedroom window. 

He was just hoping to see Gerard finish his snacks or get ready for bed, or maybe he’d hoped to catch him changing out of his clothes. He was only hoping to see something, something little he could fantasize about later. He hadn’t planned on witnessing something like this. _Nothing like this!_

After saying goodbye to Gerard, Frank had walked around to the side of the Way household where Gerard’s bedroom window was located. Frank laid down in the grass and peered in through the tiny basement window. The glass was a little murky due to it being level with the ground, so Frank had felt confident that Gerard wouldn’t spot him. 

What Frank hadn’t expected was looking through the window to see Gerard on his knees sucking some old dude’s dick. It was that same creep who had bothered them in the kitchen—the one Gerard had _agreed_ was weird!

Gerard said he was a creep, yet there he was on his knees for him. And it didn’t look like this was a new development either. This looked they were comfortable with each other. This guy was fucking shoving his dick all the way down Gerard's throat and Gerard was just taking it with his hands grabbing onto the guy;s thighs.

Frank was left so confused. Gerard had said the guy was a creep but here he was sucking his dick. Maybe Gerard just didn’t want Frank to know that he and this guy were sleeping together, or sucking each other’s dicks, or _whatever_ this way. Maybe he just wanted to keep it a secret, but why had he looked so... _nervous_ around that guy? It wasn’t shyness or a fear of being caught; Gerard had actually looked kind of afraid of that guy…

Or was Frank just imagining things? 

Fuck. Frank didn’t know what to think. This could be good. This meant that Gerard was gay. He liked dick. This could also be horrifically bad. Gerard was into _older_ men and already taken. But either way, oh God, Gerard was _gay._ That was the main thought running through Frank’s head. 

Frank’s next thought was whether or not Gerard had swallowed. 

Frank could literally _feed_ Gerard his cum and while that might not be the same as actually feeding him with food, the thought turned him on like no other. 

Frank would probably be masturbating like crazy right now if one thought didn’t keep stopping him. Gerard was with that other guy. Frank just didn’t feel right about jerking off while thinking about someone else’s boyfriend. His mind was so fucked. 

It honestly just didn’t seem real. Gerard, the kid who never talked to anyone and drowned himself in food, was hooking up with an older dude on the weekends. Like, holy shit, Frank wished that were him. Wished he got to see Gerard down on his knees all creased and rolled from the position. Again, Frank’s mind started conflicting itself. He wanted Gerard so badly, but he wasn’t someone who would ever jeopardize another person’s relationship, especially if the other person was happy. 

And how the fuck could he even dream of getting between those two in the first place?—Unless he reported it and got that guy arrested out of spite.

Frank jumped when his mom came in to see if he was okay for the fourth time since he’d gotten home. She could tell that something was bothering him, but how could Frank explain what was wrong to his mother? Frank couldn’t admit that the reason he was so lost in his head was because the boy he had a crush on and wanted to feed until he couldn’t move was seeing someone else. 

Frank told his mom he was fine _again_ and decided to call it a night. He had to take his math test first period and didn’t want to be too exhausted even though he was already far beyond that point. 

( ) ( ) ( ) 

Frank took the math test and felt better about his work than last time but wasn’t sure whether or not he had actually done that great. He decided to ignore the negative thoughts of failing and just wait until he got his grade back to freak out again. 

In study hall Frank couldn’t not stare at Gerard. He had so many thoughts and questions about what was going on between him and that guy. He knew staring at Gerard wasn’t going to give him answers but it was something to do during the free period. 

In his usual fashion, Gerard was eating a Pop Tart. However, there was also a pack of Oreos Frank could see sticking out of his book bag and a big bag of chips. Gerard always kept his lunch in his locker, and grabbed it on his way to the cafeteria (a detailed Frank had picked up from all of his stalking). The stuff he carried in his book bag was just for snacking on in class and this was more that he normally ever brought with him. Frank couldn’t help but notice that it was almost _double_ the usual amount. 

Gerard also seemed to be eating with urgency. It was like he wasn’t even stopping to breathe in between bites. Frank was intrigued, but also concerned. Gerard didn’t seem okay. 

He wasn’t eating because he was hungry or bored or just sad… Being upset didn’t make a person eat like that—especially not Gerard. Frank had watched him closely enough to know the other boy did tend to eat a bit more when he was upset, but not at this pace… Not like his life depended on finishing every last bit of food as quickly as possible.

Frank reasoned that maybe he and his ‘friend’ had gotten into an argument or maybe his parents had yelled at him this morning—or found out about his relationship with that guy.

Gerard just seemed so upset… 

Frank wanted to ask if he was okay, but didn’t know how he’d bring it up. He didn’t consider himself close enough friends with Gerard yet to just causally ask about personal information. 

The bell rang and Frank couldn’t believe the class was already over. He packed up his stuff and by the time he had everything together, Gerard was already gone. Frank at least wanted to say hi and thank him for the tutoring, but Gerard had literally disappeared. 

( ) ( ) ( ) 

At lunch Frank walked over to the Way brothers. Apparently Mikey was feeling good enough to come to school today since he was seated next to Gerard. Yesterday, Frank hadn’t even seen him once while at the Way household and he had just assumed that he was probably upstairs trying to sleep off his flu. 

“Hey look who’s back from the dead.” Frank smiled at Mikey as he sat down at the table. 

“Jesus, tell me about it. I’m just so happy to be out of my house again. I was literally in bed all weekend,” Mikey groaned. 

“Yeah, that sucks,” Frank agreed before turning his attention to Gerard. “Hey, Gerard, I took the math test this morning. I think I did okay, but you never know. I just hope I pass, but either way I just wanted to say thanks.” He smiled. 

Gerard paused from eating his sandwich to whisper a quick ‘no problem,’ but then went right back to shoving the sandwich in his mouth. The same mouth a dick had been in last night. 

Frank still couldn’t get over that fact. How the fuck did that guy get Gerard to do that? Did Gerard come onto him? Was that guy also into big dudes? Frank had no fucking idea how it all came together, but he was so fucking jealous he could hardly stand it.

“Why are you staring at me?” Gerard snapped harshly making Frank flinch. 

Frank hadn’t even realized he’d been staring this time. He was just so lost in thought about what he had seen. Frank didn’t respond and Gerard didn’t say anything else, he just glared at Frank. Mikey looked between the two, giving Gerard a concerned look. 

“Fuck this,” Gerard said slamming his fists down on the table. He shoved the rest of his lunch into his book bag and then heaved himself up and walked out of the lunch room. 

“Wanna tell me what that was about?” Mikey asked.

Frank looked at the other boy and just shrugged. Mikey didn’t stop asking questions though. It seemed like Mikey thought Frank did something to Gerard, and was going all Protective Brother on him. Frank didn’t even know what to do or what to say because he hadn’t done anything. 

“Did something happen last night? This morning? Anything? He wouldn’t have snapped like that without reason dude. Just tell me.” 

“Mikey, I swear _I_ didn’t do anything.” 

“Okay so then who did?”

“What?” Frank asked confusedly. 

_“You_ didn’t do anything,” Mikey said, emphasizing in the same way Frank had. “So who fucking did?” 

Frank hesitated before speaking. Mikey seemed almost angry with him. Frank didn’t want both of them to hate him. Hell, he didn’t want _one_ of them to hate him. Frank decided to just tell Mikey instead of taking the blame. Frank didn’t do anything and this was not his fucking fault.

“Look, I think his…” Frank paused, suddenly wondering if Mikey even knew about that older guy. “I think his boyfriend or _whoever_ and him had a fight.” 

Frank looked at Mikey who looked even angrier than he had five seconds ago. “Y’know, I really didn’t take you as an asshole, Iero.” 

“I’m not!” Frank argued. 

“Yeah, well making fun of my brother to my face sure makes you look like one.” 

“I’m not trying to! Mikey, I swear!” Frank struggled a moment with what else to say. He wasn’t making fun of Gerard—but it had to have come across that way if Mikey had no idea at all about that guy. To him, Frank had spent all day Sunday hanging out with Gerard—talking about movies and comics and math—just to make a jab at him once they were back at school.

Frank sat silently as Mikey, too, got up from the table and left him sitting all alone and feeling like shit. He felt like a fool sitting there by himself, and took out his cell phone to hide from the fact that he’d been completely rejected by both of the Way brothers at once. 

Unwilling to follow after the two or leave things on such a sour note, Frank decided it was best to bite the bullet and send Gerard a text before things could get any worse.

\- Can we talk?

He didn’t expect a reply—at least not quickly—but it seemed Gerard, wherever he was with Mikey, or perhaps even on his own, was engrossed in his cell phone as well.

_\- What for?_

It wasn’t exactly the response Frank had been hoping for, but it was better than silence and for that he was thankful. Now, however, he was really at a loss for what to say. 

Sorry for staring? 

I _wasn’t_ staring?

Why were you sucking that guy’s dick last night?—He’s way too old.

\- Can we please just talk really quick?  
\- Without Mikey?

_\- Why?  
\- What do you want?_

\- I really just need to talk to you. Please?

Frank was ashamed to admit he was feeling desperate. He didn’t want Gerard to feel upset because of him, but he was also afraid to even face him. What was he supposed to say? 

_\- Fine._

\- Meet out front after school?

Frank cringed, knowing it was a public area and highly trafficked after classes let out. Gerard would never open up to him there, but maybe they could walk away together and go to one of their houses or something for privacy. 

_\- Fine. C u._

Frank was a nervous wreck for most of the day while Gerard—when Frank could catch glimpses of him in the hallway—remained looking irritable. Frank did notice, however, that whenever he saw Gerard—wherever he saw Gerard—the other boy was either eating or drinking something unhealthy. He was crunching on Oreos between one class period, then what looked like Twizzlers between another, and gulping down Coke any second he wasn’t eating. 

For once, the eating kind of scared of him. It further drove home Frank’s idea that there was something else behind it. It wasn’t bored eating or hunger. It wasn’t even binge eating due to stress. He was eating like his very life depended on getting every carb and calorie he could.

After their classes ended for the day, Frank met up with Gerard by the sign out front of the school. He couldn’t help but notice the way Gerard seemed to shrink around the swarm of kids rushing past him—his back pressing against the sign and his head hanging low to where his black hair covered his eyes. It was like he was trying to be invisible…he wasn’t even eating this time.

Frank swallowed hard as he walked up to Gerard, standing there awkwardly in front of him for a moment before the other boy lifted his head and acknowledged him.

“What is it you want?” Gerard asked, his voice hostile and almost cruel. Frank really didn’t think he’d hurt him that badly, and it made him feel so guilty that he was the reason Gerard had gone from being friendly and smiling to defensive. 

“I just wanted to talk to you…about something. Can we…” Frank looked around at the slowly thinning herd of people rushing by them. “Can we go someplace more private? I-I don’t…”

“Why? So you can stare at me some more? Go ahead—be like everyone else, Frank. Just stare at me and laugh at me like all of them. We don’t have to go anyplace different for you to do it. They don’t,” Gerard barked, doing his best to look mean while his eyes betrayed him. Frank felt it like a knife through his chest when he saw tears forming in Gerard’s eyes. 

He was self-conscious, Frank realized. After watching him for so long, seeing him act out in study hall and brandish his snacks and soda for all to see, he guessed he didn’t realize just how embarrassed Gerard really was just being in his own skin. He thought Frank was looking at him to make a mockery of him, like the bullies who used to hound him. For so long, he’d acted like nothing affected him—like he knew how absolutely stunning he was, even if he didn’t fit with society’s idea of perfect. He wasn’t tall and sleek and toned and tan, but he was gorgeous. Frank couldn’t help but stare at him because he was gorgeous and Gerard thought it was because Frank wanted to laugh at him.

“I-I’m not making fun of you—I was never trying to do that. I mean it! I… I’m sorry I stared. It wasn’t about…about how you look or anything. I just…” Frank kept stammering, tripping over his words and mentally kicking himself for it. “Y-You’ve been acting weird. For the past couple of weeks you’ve been acting kinda different and I…I-I don’t know. I was nervous? I thought maybe something was up. That’s it—I promise! I…” Frank chanced a look at Gerard’s face. The other boy was still glaring at him, still trying to mask the pain he was in. But there was something else in his eyes, too. Something other than the anger and hurt Frank had seen before. He waited for Gerard to say something, but he never did. He just stood there, looking between Frank and something off in the distance whenever his eyes would start to look too bleary. “Gerard, I…I really want to talk to you in private. Can we just go somewhere else? Please? I promise it’s not to make—”

“Fine. Whatever… Do you want to go to my house or we can go to yours…”

“We could go to your place and watch that movie,” Frank suggested, hoping it didn’t seem out of place. He thought maybe the movie would be a good way to break the ice that had formed between them, and thought it’d make up for when he turned Gerard down Sunday night.

“Which movie?” Gerard asked, scrunching up his face like he didn’t remember.

“The… The zombie movie? The one you wanted to watch last night. I had to go home?” Frank suggested, trying to jog Gerard’s memory.

For a moment, Gerard continued staring at him with confusion, then his eyes widened a little as the memory clicked back into place—but as soon as his eyes lit up, he looked away.

“Yeah… Sure.”

Slowly, Gerard started walking in the direction of home and Frank followed after him just a few paces behind. He watched as Gerard fidgeted with the straps on his backpack, noted the way his shoulders hunched inward as if he were shielding himself from some unseen attack. After a few more uncomfortably silent blocks, Frank noticed Gerard had started limping.

“Are you okay?” Frank asked, wondering if maybe someone had beaten him up or if his knees were just hurting from walking so far.

“I’m fine,” Gerard muttered for what felt like the millionth time that day.

“I just… I-I’m kind of worried about you,” Frank admitted as they drew closer to Gerard’s house. No one was walking closely to them anymore and he felt more confident to speak openly.

“What do you mean?” Gerard asked, not looking up from the pavement as Frank came to walk at his side instead of behind him.

“I don’t know… It’s like I said. You haven’t been yourself lately—”

“How would you know? We’re not friends. You just needed me to pass a math test. What do you know about me or how I act?”

It hurt like a slap in the face and Frank struggled to come up with something to say back to that. He hated it that Gerard seemed to think all Frank wanted was to use him—not sure what he’d ever done to come across that way—but managed to fight off the bitterness. 

He kept quiet until they arrived at the Way household. Gerard said he was going upstairs to use the restroom, leaving Frank alone in the empty kitchen…until Mikey appeared in the doorway.

“What are you doing here?”

“I just came to talk to Gerard. I’m sorry about earlier. I thought…you knew about it,” Frank mumbled, looking away from Mikey’s hard stare. It was strange seeing Mikey angry with him like this. 

“Don’t come into my house and expect to make fun of my brother. What the hell is wrong with you!?”

“There’s nothing wrong with _me!”_ Frank exclaimed, shaking his head in irritation. 

“You’re trying to make fun of Gerard after he helped you. It’s not cool.”

“I’m not! Mikey, listen—” Frank wanted to say more, but then he heard Gerard’s heavy footsteps upstairs and knew the boy was coming back down and would hear them. “I saw something last night. I-I know he’s…he’s seeing someone. A _guy._ I know it!”

“He’s not seeing anyone,” Mikey said, crossing his arms over his chest and giving Frank a filthy look as he turned to leave the room—just as Gerard was coming in. 

“Hey! We were going to watch a movie—did you want to join?” Gerard called after him, keeping his back to Frank as he watched Mikey continue walking away.

“No. I have homework to do,” Mikey grumbled.

Gerard stared after him for a moment, then turned back to Frank and heaved a heavy sigh. 

“Whatever,” he muttered before staring the descent to his bedroom. Frank followed after him nervously, his heart beating a little harder as his mind raced through what he should say or how he should go about it.

He guessed he had a lot of time to think, though, because instead of pressing him to get to the point, Gerard settled into picking out the movie _A Zombie Intervention_ and putting it on. 

In the back of his mind, Frank felt a little disappointed when Gerard just sat down at his desk instead of going upstairs to gather snacks before starting the movie—but he knew that was the very last thing he needed to be focusing on at the moment. 

Gerard was _upset,_ he reminded himself. Gerard was upset and it would make things worse if he tried to ask Gerard for food—especially when Gerard was already beginning to believe that Frank was staring at him to make fun of him, not to admire him.

Not to mention Gerard’s _boyfriend._ He couldn’t sit here in Gerard’s bedroom—the scene of the crime, so to speak—and think _those kinds of thoughts_ about Gerard.

“It’s a really bad movie,” Gerard said, calling Frank out of his thoughts. “I mean...it’s funny. It’s just a...it’s just not filmed well. It’s really low budget.”

“It’s a B Movie,” Frank chimed in, finding this a much easier topic than anything else that had been on his mind.

The film itself seemed to be about what it’s title proclaimed—a relatively sentient zombie was being sat down by his family for an intervention, them pleading with him to stop eating people. Only the night doesn’t go as planned because the zombie, the goriest ways possible, begins eating the people who came to confront him. It was alright, poorly filmed like Gerard had said, but funny nonetheless. Whenever it would make Gerard laugh or just smile, it made Frank like it that much more.

Even so, they didn’t get quite to the ending when Gerard decided to ask the question Frank had been so carefully putting off.

“So...what is it you wanted to talk to me about?” he asked, sounding meek and small. He was sitting on his bed at that point, leaning back against the headboard and huddled up in his blankets.

Frank wondered if that guy had slept in those blankets with him last night or if he just got what he wanted and left. Maybe that was why Gerard was so upset. That old freak was either too afraid of getting caught or too uncomfortable with trying to fit on Gerard’s tiny bed with him after getting laid.

“Um… I-I guess, uh—well, there’s no easy way to say it. Um… I know you’re upset. Or—! Or it just looked like you were, maybe you’re not… Uh. You seemed upset today and...for a while. I know we’re not like, super good friends, but...I notice things. I notice you.”

“You notice me?” Gerard asked, scrunching up his face as if irritated. “Yeah, I’m fucking hard to miss.”

“Well, that’s just it! Um… Shit, that came out wrong,” Frank said, looking back at the movie where a zombie girl was now terrorizing the survivors. “Last night… I saw you last night.”

“What are you talking about?” Gerard asked, sounding just as agitated as he had at lunch. 

Frank took a deep breath and stared at the television screen as he forced out the words.

“I-I dropped my phone last night...by the window over there,” Frank said, making up that part on the fly while gesturing dismissively toward the small, murky window over Gerard’s desk. “When I went to get it...I-I saw you and that guy together.”

“What are you talking about?” Gerard repeated, only this time he sounded so horrified, so _frightened,_ that Frank was left feeling worse. Gerard looked as if Frank had just slapped him—his eyes wide and his soft-looking lips hanging open in a terrified gape. He looked like he was going to burst into tears.

“I-I didn’t tell anyone! E-except maybe Mikey. I didn’t tell him who. I wouldn’t, you know, out you to anyone. I just… You seemed upset today and I thought maybe you and your boyfriend had a fight,” Frank said, shaking his head and quickly looking back at the screen because the fear and shock on Gerard’s face was too much to take. 

“What do you mean?—What do you mean you told Mikey? What did you tell him? What exactly did you tell him?” Gerard asked, his voice trembling and finally cracking.

Frank couldn’t bear to look over at him.

“I just asked him why you were upset and told him I thought maybe you and your boyfriend had a fight. He got pissed off. He thought I was making fun of you. He doesn’t believe me—it’s fine,” Frank said rapidly, tripping over his words. 

“What did you see exactly?” Gerard asked. Frank could tell he was crying, and didn’t dare look at him. It left him feeling so awful, hurting him worse than he even thought possible. Gerard was crying...and it was because of him.

“Nothing...just, you know.”

“What did you see?” Gerard asked.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of or anything,” Frank said, not willing to confess. He didn’t see what good it would do regardless. 

“I can’t believe this,” Gerard whimpered, sniffing loudly and shuffling around in his blankets. 

Frank glanced over at him and watched as Gerard quickly wiped his nose and his eyes on his blanket. He was a complete mess and Frank felt he was missing something. 

It would suck to be found out, sure, but Gerard had _never_ acted like this before. Not about anything. He wasn’t exactly known for being tough, but he wasn’t a crybaby either. 

“I didn’t tell anyone else.”

“Well don’t!” Gerard snapped. 

“I won’t. I’m not gonna...get involved in it. Your parents would probably...freak out or something.”

“Oh, God… It’d ruin everything. My dad...I don’t even know how he would take that. H-He...” Gerard covered his face with his hands and started sobbing—actual thick, heavy sobs that made it impossible for Frank to even pretend to be watching the film anymore.

“I-It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone. I won’t mention it again—I promise. I just—I only brought it up because you were upset today. I… I wanted to make sure you were okay. That he didn’t hurt you or something.”

“Yeah, you were worried about me. Right… The fat fucking freak. Fat fucking...faggot freak.”

“Is that what he called you?” Frank asked, completely at a loss for what to do. He wanted to be like every man every romantic movie ever and swoop in, say all the right things and make it better, but he had nothing. The object of his affection was sitting there bawling and he couldn’t even think of a reason why.

“No! Why are you asking me that?”

“Well you’re upset! I don’t know why you’re upset.”

“Because you saw me with Johnny and now you’re going to tell everybody!”

“I’m not telling anyone anything! I’m not like that!”

“Johnny’s going to kill me if he finds out,” Gerard said, ignoring everything Frank said before sniffing loudly as another round of tears hit him. 

“Then he’s a creep,” Frank said. “You said he was creepy last night. Why...why are you with him?”

“I’m not!” Gerard practically screamed. “I’m _not_ with him! He’s _disgusting.”_

“Oh,” Frank said, wanting to feel relieved but unable to. They broke up, so why wasn’t he excited to see Gerard single? “So you...broke up with him?”

“No! You’re fucking—you’re fucking so _wrong_ about _everything!_ Please leave—please go away. I don’t want to talk about this.”

Frank tried to stay, tried asking if they could just drop the subject because he barely even understood what Gerard was meaning with what he said—but Gerard insisted. 

“Please go! Just quit staring at me and leave! Quit _staring_ at me!”

Frank did all he could to apologize, then quickly gathered up his book bag and fled the house as if for dear life. He never meant to hurt Gerard or upset him, but that seemed to be all he’d accomplished.

It wasn’t until after he’d gotten home and dodged his parents’ questions that the realization donned on him—the meaning of Gerard’s words and the reason for his inconsolable sobbing.

_I’m not with him,_ Gerard had cried. _He’s disgusting!_

He thought back to how he’d seen Gerard that night, on his knees with his hands on that man’s thighs—and that man holding him still by his head, fucking his mouth roughly. It was the subject matter of filthy porn, not something that should be common or easy for a shy kid like Gerard to take.

Either they’d been seeing each other a while and Gerard was upset that he was pressured into doing something so unpleasant, or…

No.

Frank realized _exactly_ what he’d seen. 

Gerard hadn’t wanted him to leave that night. Gerard had tried to come up with any excuse at all to avoid being caught alone. He’d wanted to go to Frank’s house and wanted to stay the night… Gerard had been trying to avoid that guy. 

Gerard was being raped by that man.

( ) ( ) ( )

No matter how hard he tried after that, Frank couldn’t get Gerard to answer him—not through a text, not in class or in the hallways or at lunch. Gerard wouldn’t make eye contact with him and since he’d become more avoidant than before, so did Mikey. 

In one motion, one action, he’d lost his only friends—and all because he’d tried to help. He didn’t mean to make himself out to be a jerk or a creep. He was just worried—worried because someone he knew and kinda cared about was being hurt, being taken advantage of.

It was hard to think of anything else, but nothing he did got through to the Way brothers. They had him stonewalled and Frank could only watch from a distance as Gerard ate twice as much as before—then three times as much.

It wasn’t natural for Gerard to eat like that and it wasn’t healthy. It was too urgent, too frightening and compulsive, for Frank to even be able to get lost in the action like he used to. Gerard’s eating wasn’t exciting this time—it was simply horrifying. 

Maybe because it _was_ so dangerous for him to eat that much and gain weight so fast. Maybe because he knew the reason for it now, that it wasn’t hunger—it was stress and fear and pain. 

The Way brothers ignored Frank until Thursday when Frank, out of desperation, managed corner Mikey in the bathroom. He hadn’t planned it, but he had been washing his hands when Mikey walked in and Frank quickly shook his hands dry and ran to block the stall Mikey was trying to go into. Mikey groaned in irritation, avoiding looking Frank in the eye, and went to the next stall over, but again Frank got in the way.

“Fucking move, Frank,” Mikey grumbled.

“Not until you agree to talk to me,” Frank said, making his voice as firm as he could.

“I am talking to you, dipshit,” Mikey shot back. 

“No like, actually talk to me. I need to clear some things up about Gerard. Please,” Frank begged. 

Mikey gave Frank a quick once over. Frank couldn’t tell if Mikey wanted to hear what he had to say or just really had to use the bathroom, but Mikey finally agreed. 

“Okay. Whatever. We can talk later, now let me go.” 

“When’s later?” Frank asked, knowing he was pushing his limits. 

Mikey groaned. “Just... I don’t know! Later! Meet me on the bleachers after school or something.” 

“No Gerard?” Frank asked. 

Mikey gave Frank a curious look but agreed. “No Gerard.” 

( ) ( ) ( ) 

At three o’clock, Frank watched from the bleachers as the crowd of kids left the school building to head home. He hadn’t seen Mikey walk by to leave yet so he hoped that the other boy would actually show up. He needed to reconcile this whole thing—fix this awful situation before it got worse or before it got the best of Gerard, honestly. 

Frank’s mind had been a mess for the past couple of days. Ever since Monday night, his realization had been haunting him. Gerard—the boy he had feelings for—was being raped, and binge eating because of it.

How was that even possible, and how could no one know? How could his own brother be oblivious to Gerard’s suffering—and their parents? Frank technically only had proof of one instance of this Johnny creep taking advantage of Gerard, but from the way Gerard it clearly wasn’t even close to the first time something like that had happened. 

He had been there on game day, and Gerard said his parents _always_ had people over on game days. Did that mean Johnny was there almost every weekend? Was it really even possible that Gerard was being abused in his own home so frequently and Frank was the only one to know? 

Frank wanted so badly to save Gerard but he didn’t know what to do. He had made Gerard _cry_ when he told him what he knew and it broke his heart. Gerard didn’t want Mikey to know about the abuse and Frank figured if he cleared things up with Mikey then maybe he would earn Gerard's trust back and then be able to help him. He just had to find a way to make this right again, and he hoped talking to Mikey was the first step. 

“Okay, amaze me,” a voice above Frank said. 

He turned to see Mikey throwing his book bag down and then joining Frank on the bleachers. Frank swallowed and a feeling of uneasiness settled over him. What if lying to Mikey was a bad idea? What if that guy hurts Gerard severely and no one tries to stop him because no one knows? 

No. He had to do this. He had to get back on Gerard’s good side—and the only way to do that was to tread cautiously.

“Uhm, so I just wanted to clear some things up about...about what I said about Gerard,” Frank started.

“I’m all ears,” Mikey said, pushing his glasses up on his nose. 

“So, I promise I’m not an asshole, and I don’t want to make fun of Gerard in any way. There was just a misunderstanding between us and I really didn’t mean to make him upset. I really don’t want you both to hate me and I really want to be your guys’ friend—” 

“Then why would you go and make shit up about Gerard to my face? You know he has it rough enough already without the boyfriend rumor you wanted to start. He’s an easy target, but that sure as hell doesn’t mean that I’m going to make it easy for someone to get to him,” Mikey interrupted. 

Frank couldn’t help but dry laugh at how ironic that statement was. 

“Oh so now something’s funny to you?” Mikey questioned. 

“No! Fuck no. Listen.” Frank took a deep breath. “I really didn’t mean to make shit up. It was a genuine misunderstanding. I’m not trying to hurt Gerard. I’m just trying to be his friend.” 

“So where’d the imaginary boyfriend come from then?” Mikey asked. 

Fuck. “Uhm...” Frank mumbled 

“Uhm?” Mikey repeated. 

“So, like, please don’t take this wrong way, but when I was at your house I saw Gerard...texting someone and he seemed upset. He said it was just some guy, but he was like really upset about whatever the text said,” Frank lied. “I figured it was probably his boyfriend or something.” 

“And you assumed Gerard had a boyfriend because…?”

“Because...I’m gay,” Frank responded. 

Mikey just stared at Frank for a long moment in silence. Frank couldn’t read Mikey’s facial expression and the pause in conversation was staring to scare him. His parents knew he was gay, but Frank didn’t exactly run around telling the world about his sexual orientation. He’d known Mikey for a while and felt certain the boy wasn’t exactly conservative, but he wasn’t sure how he’d react to the news. 

“You’re gay?” Mikey finally asked. 

“Yes, okay? I’m gay and...and I kinda like Gerard. I got jealous when he said he was texting some other guy and...yeah. It’s embarrassing but its true,” Frank breathed. 

Again Mikey just stared at him. “You like Gerard?” 

“Yeah,” Frank answered. “I do.” 

“I mean...when I came out here I really wasn’t expecting you to say anything like _that,”_ Mikey said. “I just never thought you were, like, gay .Y’know? Not that that’s a bad thing, but yeah...” he trailed off. 

“So do you still hate me?” Frank asked. 

“Depends. Are you lying to me or do you actually like Gerard? I know you stare at him all the time like he’s a freak.” 

“I’m not lying. Why would I?” Frank argued, ignoring Mikey’s comment about his staring for the moment.

“I don’t know. There are a lot of people who will lie to save face.” 

“Just because Gerard’s fat doesn’t mean the entire fucking world is out to get him, dude,” Frank spat. He was getting upset and frustrated that Mikey wouldn’t believe him. He literally just came out to the dude and was only even here talking to him for Gerard's sake. 

Mikey raised his eyebrows. “Wow.” 

Frank eyes widened. “No! I wasn’t being—” 

“No, that wasn’t a bad ‘wow.’ I’m just...impressed, man. Most people avoid that topic at all costs.”

“Well I like Gerard for who he is. Weight and all. No need to be surprised,” Frank huffed.

“I’m actually...pleasantly surprised,” Mikey said. 

“Does that mean I’m forgiven?” Frank asked hopefully. 

“Yeah, you’re forgiven,” Mikey said with a smirk. “For now.”

( )( )( ) 

Before they left the school, Mikey had promised Frank he would talk to Gerard about forgiving Frank for whatever argument they’d had on Monday. Frank felt relived, but still anxious. What if Gerard didn’t forgive him? What if Frank came out to Mikey for nothing? 

What if Gerard didn’t even like Frank back? 

Frank didn’t _actually_ know what Mikey was going to say to Gerard, but he doubted Mikey would keep the crush a secret. After all, if someone had a crush on him, Frank would want to someone to tell him. He would want to be in on the secret.

Frank laid around all evening doing homework and being bored. He hadn’t even felt like going on his fantasy feeder site because he was so upset. He just wanted Gerard and him to be okay and fix whatever was happening. He really liked Gerard and wanted them to be happy _together._

He also wanted to fucking kill Johnny, but that was probably out of the question. Not that he didn’t have plans... 

Just when Frank’s thoughts about Johnny were getting morbid, a text from Gerard came through on his phone. 

_-Talked to Mikey_

Frank stared at the screen. What in the hell did that mean? 

-Okay? Are we good? 

Frank figured just biting the bullet was the best choice for this situation. It was another few minutes before the next text. 

_-Yeah we’re good_  
-Thank you for clearing things up. It means a lot.   
-Was everything Mikey said true? 

Frank started at the three messages on his screen with a smile on his face. He was pretty sure Gerard was asking about the crush and fuck it—why deny the truth? Frank really liked Gerard. 

-Of course it was. 

_-Promise?_

-Absolutely. 

Gerard didn’t respond to that text and Frank was a little bit worried. Maybe that had been the wrong thing to say. Maybe Gerard was creeped out by it—especially after all the things Frank had seen, all the things Gerard knew he’d seen. 

Little did Frank know that Gerard was in his room with Mikey crying like a thirteen-year-old girl—so overwhelmed with emotion that he couldn’t even decide if he was crying because he was happy or sad. Or maybe it was both.

Gerard had never in a million years thought that anyone at all would like him. He didn’t feel like he deserved to be liked. Johnny made him feel guilty for even thinking about the possibility of anyone caring for him. For seven years, Johnny was the only person he interacted with besides his family. Johnny was the only one who noticed him.

“Hey, this is a good thing,” Mikey said, trying to comfort Gerard. He knew Gerard had a hard time making friends because of his size and that someone having a crush on him was a big shock. Mikey had stayed in the basement when Gerard texted Frank so that he wouldn’t chicken out of doing it, and also so he could see Frank’s responses. If Frank’s answers seemed off, then Mikey would’ve immediately cut him off again. He wanted to protect his brother at all costs. Gerard deserved someone who cared for him, not a creep.

“No, I know,” Gerard said, sniffling. “I’m so fucking lame for crying like this,” Gerard laughed as he wiped his nose on his sleeve. Inside his chest his heart was pounding like crazy. He was happy and scared at the same time. 

Frank liked him and they could be friends, but he still knew about Johnny. Him knowing about Johnny meant they would never work out. How could he be in a relationship with Frank when he was fucking Johnny? 

It just wouldn’t work. The possibility of somehow stopping Johnny never even crossed his mind. Gerard was just sticking to his plan of gaining weight until Johnny got sick of him and left, and he had no idea how long that would take. 

“I’m going to head upstairs; are you okay?” Mikey asked. 

“Yeah,” Gerard breathed wiping his eyes. “I’m good.” 

Mikey smiled at Gerard before walking up the stairs to the main floor. Gerard took a second to breathe and then took a risk and called Frank. 

( )( )( ) 

Gerard was excited. For the first game night in seven years he wasn’t going to be home. Not for any fucking Friday, or fucking Saturday or any fucking Sunday games that may have been hosted at his house. He was literally bouncing with excitement. 

As soon as Frank asked him to spend the weekend at his house to make up for everything, Gerard immediately agreed. He had packed his bag and told Mikey the good news. He was going to go home with Frank after school tomorrow and coming home Monday morning before school since they lived close enough that Gerard could come home and get changed for school without any chance of Johnny getting to him with his whole family awake and attentive. He doubted Johnny would even stay over since he wouldn’t be there. Gerard wished he could see Johnny’s face when he realized Gerard wasn’t home waiting for him for the first time in history. Gerard would kill to see that. 

The only thing concerning Gerard about his weekend was something Mikey had said.

He jokingly told Gerard to use protection, and then Gerard’s mood had inexplicably dropped. It made him think of everything that was _wrong_ about this situation. About what he’d done with Johnny and what Frank could possibly want with him knowing what was going on.

Frank liked him. But he shouldn’t. Gerard was a fat freak who couldn’t defend himself. And just because someone liked him didn’t exactly mean that Frank liked him _like that._ Never in all of the years this had been going on had he tried defending himself against Johnny and his attacks. He was pathetic. How could frank like him? There was no way he could ever be with anyone else after being ruined by Johnny. Gerard had even made it a mission to become repulsive enough that Johnny would stop being attracted to him. There wasn’t any logical reason for Frank to like him. So if Frank was being honest then why did he? 

Or was he like Johnny… Maybe he saw that Gerard would let Johnny do whatever he liked and would keep quiet about it. After all, who would believe it if a fat freak like him claimed someone attractive like Frank had raped him? They’d all just say he was lucky to catch Frank’s attention.

So just like that, Gerard began to fear that Frank was either showing interest in him out of pity, or because Gerard was of some use to him...

( )( )( ) 

“You ready?” Frank asked, smiling at Gerard. The two hadn’t had any classes together today because Gerard had to meet with a teacher at lunch and during study hall so the walk to Frank’s house was their first interaction since the phone call. 

“Yeah. I-I’m excited,” Gerard said in response. 

Frank grinned widely as they continued on towards Frank’s house. It was only a short distance from Gerard's own home so the walk wasn’t too bad for Gerard. Once they arrived at the Iero’s they were instantly greeted by Frank’s mother, and a tray of snacks. 

“Hello!” She greeted warmly. “I’m Linda. You must be Gerard!” 

Gerard was honestly shocked at the kindness pouring from the woman in front of him. Most people upon meeting Gerard stared or made faces that they thought weren’t noticeable, but not Frank’s mom. She was smiling and speaking with such kindness that it really blew Gerard away. 

“Hi, yeah, I’m Gerard,” he responded giving a small wave. 

“I would have my husband come out and greet you but he’s currently on a business call. He’ll make an appearance sometime this weekend I’m sure. Speaking of do you boys have any plans for the weekend?” She questioned. 

Linda was basically a stereotypical housewife it seemed. One of the athletic ones who runs the kids to sports practices and bakes cookies for fundraisers. While Frank didn’t play any sports that Gerard knew of, he couldn’t help but notice that this was just how his mom was. She seemed like she was a genuinely nice and happy person and it made Gerard a little less nervous to spend the weekend in Frank’s house. 

“Not any definite plans,” Frank answered. “Maybe just hanging out, watching movies.” 

“Well the movie room is all set up. I just cleaned it this morning.” 

“Thanks, Mom. We’re going to head to my room though for a little while,” Frank told her. 

Again, Linda smiled. “Oh, okay I’ll call you down when we decide on what to do for dinner.” 

Gerard followed Frank through his home. He wasn’t sure what kind of business Frank’s dad ran but it definitely made the Iero’s some money. Though Gerard supposed that having only one child also helped them save a little extra money for spending on a house. Frank’s room was on the top level of the house all by itself along with a little lounge area outside of it. 

“You have a really nice house,” Gerard said. 

“Thanks. My mom used to be an interior designer. Houses are kind of her thing.” 

Gerard just nodded as Frank opened the door to his room. It had light grey walls with black furniture and a huge king-sized bed with darker grey bed sheets. The room seemed pretty plain, but the lounge outside had some CDs and posters and movies strewn around it. Frank must have noticed Gerard looking around because he started speaking again. 

“I’m kind of a neat freak when it comes to my room. Easier to sleep in a clean room, I guess; that’s why the lounge is such a mess and not in here,” Frank laughed. 

Gerard looked at the way Franks whole face lit up when he laughed. Gerard had been so excited to spend the weekend with Frank instead of Johnny, but then Gerard began thinking of how Frank had a crush on him again. It was weird to think about how the person right in front of him wanted to be more than a friend to him. The dread of Johnny ruining this for him began to settle in and suddenly Gerard was a little less excited and more nervous. 

“Can I ask you something?” Gerard questioned as he sat down on Frank’s bed with him. 

“Yeah, go for it.” 

“So this is kind of blunt and don’t take it the wrong way but you already know Mikey told me that you like me right?” 

Franks face seemed to fall a little bit when Gerard said that. 

“Yeah, I figured he’d tell you.” 

“Just... I don’t know. I’m not—I never really hang with other people, like _ever._ I want to know that you didn’t invite me over for the weekend just because you feel bad about the whole, you know…Johnny thing. I just—I don’t want this to be about Johnny,” Gerard said whispering the end part. 

Frank was a little bit offended that Gerard thought this weekend was an invite out of pity. He had just admitted to liking him and Gerard still didn’t believe that Frank _wanted_ him here. He thought Frank was just pitying him—or worse, _using_ him.

Without thinking Frank shot back, “Well would you rather be at home getting _raped?”_

Gerard was utterly shocked at Frank’s words. His jaw dropped and his heart stung. 

“I never said—”

“You told me I had it wrong when I asked if you two broke up. You were _crying._ What else am I supposed to think? I know I’m right,” Frank said. 

“That’s not—”

“I like you! This wasn’t some pity invite and I wasn’t lying to Mikey or you about any of my feelings. I even covered it up for you! I’m hiding this whole Johnny thing from _your own brother_ because I want you to trust me. I want to help you. Why won’t you believe me?” 

“Why?” 

“Why what?” Frank asked. 

“Why do you want to help me so fucking bad!” Gerard yelled back. He was still a little sore from the rape comment. No one had ever blatantly said it for what it was, mainly because no one but Frank knew about it. Gerard knew he was going about this the wrong way, but he was hurt and overreacting since there was no food near him to pour his feelings into like he normally would. 

“Because I like you, Gerard, and no one should have to go through what you’re going through.” 

“I still don’t get why you like me. There’s _nothing_ special about me,” Gerard fought back. 

“Yes there is! I like you—I really do.” 

“Because why? I'm a fat fucking loser who lets some grown ass man take advantage of me. And don’t try to comfort me, okay? I don’t want the bullshit,” Gerard said, getting close to tears. He was starting to regret coming over. He didn’t even need Johnny to ruin this for him; he was doing it all by himself. 

Franks heart was literally breaking. Gerard didn’t deserve what was happening to him and Frank didn’t know what to do. If he told anyone Gerard would get upset and he didn’t want that, he was already upset enough. He just wanted Gerard to be happy, and he was really regretting his harsh rape comment. 

He had no right to blurt it out, even if it was true—and his small lapse in self-control could’ve ruined everything.

“I just... I think you’re really cool and nice. You tutored me when you didn’t have to and you let me explain myself and forgave me when I hurt your feelings. And… And I think you’re attractive, okay? I really don’t like it when you talk down on yourself.” 

Gerard started at Frank with a look of disbelief. 

“You think _I’m_ attractive?” Gerard asked, forcing out a laugh that sounded more like a choke of pain than any humor Frank had ever heard.

Frank bit his lip and looked up at Gerard. “Yeah. I do.” 

After years of Johnny’s abuse, Gerard had truly come to believe that no one would ever like him and that he didn’t even deserve to be cared for. He was just this giant, repulsive blob of a human taking up space. It wasn’t possible for anyone to find that _attractive._ Even Johnny, who was obsessive and sick, didn’t bother telling Gerard lies about being good looking—just reminded him that he was too big and that this wasn’t how he was supposed to look.

“How? How can you think I’m attractive? Have you seen me?” 

That comment got to Frank. The last thing he wanted Gerard to think was that he was ugly just because he was big. His weight made him so beautiful in Frank’s eyes and he needed to know that. He needed to know that someone other than Johnny could want him.

“Okay, stop. I literally told your brother the same damn thing yesterday. Just because you’re fat or big or whatever, doesn’t mean that the whole world is out to get you.” 

“So you admit I'm fat?” 

“Jesus, Gerard!” Frank groaned. “So what? You’re a big dude. Maybe I _like_ big guys! Ever think of that? Not everyone wants to date some muscular jock with no brain,” Frank said. 

“You like big guys?” Gerard laughed, that same choke of masked pain. “So that’s what it is then. I’m, like, fulfilling some fetish for you? Some helpless, bullied fat kid and you’re the hero…?” 

Frank was now the one who felt under attack. What on Earth was he supposed to tell Gerard? All he wanted was for Gerard to stop talking shit on himself and recognize how beautiful he is. Now he’d gone and said too much and his cover was blown with nothing to show for it. 

“Frank?” Gerard asked after a few moments of silence. If Frank was going to tell him that he was only spending time with him out of some effort to fulfill a fantasy, then Gerard thought he might as well just go jump off a bridge. How in the world did he get so damn unlucky in life? What other teenager had to deal with this kind of shit?   
“Fuck—I am, aren’t I? I’m just a fantasy for you. You don’t even like _me._ Jesus Christ… You really had me going for a minute. Thought someone could actually…” Gerard trailed off and shook his head. “How is this my life?” He groaned, covering his eyes with his hands. 

Frank, not knowing what to say or if there even was something he could do to fix this whole thing, just sat on the bed silently. 

Gerard stood up and went over towards his bag, forcing Frank into action. 

“Wait! What are you doing?” Frank asked. 

“Going home.” 

“No! Please you—you can’t! We were going to spend the whole weekend together, remember? It was going to be fun,” Frank pleaded. 

“Yeah, fun for you. You get your own personal show and I get objectified. I can do that at my own home, thanks.” 

Frank had to admit that stung. Gerard was comparing him to Johnny and it was absolutely the last thing he wanted. “Gerard, please. I just got you back. I really don’t want to lose you again.” 

Gerard ignored him and continued gathering his things. 

“Please? I’m begging! Tell me how to make this right.” 

Gerard glared at him. 

“You can’t make this right! I’m not some damsel in distress you can swoop in and save. I’ve been doing fine all this time without you. Don’t act like you know me just because you know _one thing_ about me. I don’t need someone who’s only being nice to me to get what _they_ want out of me. I already have one person like that and one’s enough.” 

As Gerard went for the handle on his bedroom door, Frank broke. 

“Okay! Fuck! Fine, I admit it! Okay?” He yelled causing Gerard to turn and look at him. Frank shrunk in on himself now that there were eyes watching him, but he knew he had to continue. “I-I knew who you were before you offered to tutored me. Not just because we had classes but because I… I had been watching you. I just—I don’t really know what you want me to say. I’m a freak, okay? I have this thing, I guess, for y’know...bigger people,” Frank breathed. “I hadn’t ever planned on talking to you because I was so scared you wouldn’t want to be friends with me. _Friends,”_ Frank repeated. “I only wanted to be your friend first. I swear. I mean, I thought about other stuff, but I never wanted to… I don’t want you to think of me like that guy.” 

Gerard was still standing in the doorway, eyes boring into Frank. He made no movement to speak, so Frank kept going. 

“Look, I know you think everyone is out to get you, and that scares you. I get it. I really do. I don’t know if you noticed or not, but you and Mikey are basically the only people I talk to. Hell, you’re the first person from school to even come to my house and I’m a fucking senior. You’re not the only freak in the world. I’m a freak, too. I know what I’m into isn’t a normal thing, and I know it probably creeps you out, but I swear I’m not going to do anything. I can fucking control myself.” Frank now had tears falling down his face. He was so embarrassed. Why couldn’t he just be normal? He couldn’t just be gay—no he had to be into some weird fetish and now it was going to cost him his only friends. 

Frank couldn’t keep his composure any longer. He started full out sobbing. He shoved past Gerard and crossed the lounge into the bathroom. He sat down with his back against the door and lost it. He hated himself. He just wanted to be normal. He was basically as bad as Johnny at this point. He knew Gerard was hurt and yet he befriended him for his own selfish reasons and now they were coming back to bite him in the ass. 

Frank wasn’t sure how long he had sat in bathroom crying, but he figured Gerard had left by the time he regained his composure. He splashed his face with some water and blew his nose into some toilet paper. He took a deep breath and walked into the lounge. Gerard was nowhere in sight. 

Frank felt defeated. He sat down on the couch in the lounge and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He got mad at himself when he opened his phone and saw it was still on the fantasy feeder page. He grew angry at himself all over again. He went to his settings and deleted his account. He never wanted to remember how much pain this stupid fetish has caused him. 

After sulking around for a few more minutes, Frank walked down to the main floor. He stopped at the bottom of the stairwell with a confused look when he spotted Gerard's book bag lying on the floor next to the bottom step. 

He looked up and walked slowly to the kitchen where he saw Gerard sitting at the island talking to his mom who was sat opposite him. 

“Hey, Honey,” Frank’s mom said with a smile. “I went upstairs to ask about dinner, but you were in the bathroom so I had Gerard come down to pick something out.” 

To say Frank was confused was an understatement. Gerard should’ve been long gone and yet here he was talking to Frank’s mother. 

Gerard hadn’t expected Frank to break down crying like that. He also hadn’t expected the concerned look on Linda’s face when she saw him with his book bag. He also hadn’t expected her to lie to Frank about why they were talking. 

Gerard had honestly planned to leave. He couldn’t take knowing that Frank only wanted to spend time with him because he had a weird fetish for him. However, as Gerard stepped onto the main floor, Linda had been walking by the staircase. She took one look at Gerard and his bag and suddenly her calm composer was gone, and she looked devastated. 

“What are you doing? Did something happen?” She asked, trying to keep a calm tone but failing. She looked so upset that Gerard just couldn’t walk out of her house without saying anything. 

“Sort of?” Gerard mumbled. “Frank’s just kind of upset right now… I was just going to head out.” 

“Upset?” Linda asked with pained voice. She looked like she wanted to bolt up the stairs and comfort Frank, but instead she focused on Gerard. “You can tell me. Frank can throw temper tantrums sometimes but he normally calms down after a few minutes.” 

This was news to Gerard. A lot of things at the Iero household were news to him. Apparently they had way more money than Gerard had originally thought, Frank also apparently never had anyone over, and now he was learning that Frank often had meltdowns. The never having people over part bothered Gerard. Somehow, he knew that’s why Linda was still standing with him and not comforting her son; she wanted Frank to have a friend. She wanted Gerard to stay. 

“Do you want a snack?” Linda offered. “We can sit and chat until Frank calms down.” 

Gerard really wanted to leave, but the more he thought about walking out, the guiltier he felt. Maybe Frank was more sensitive than Gerard had thought, and maybe he also needed a friend. Gerard knew the feeling of being lonely and he hated it. 

Taking another glance at Linda, he gave in. 

He would stay. He decided that tonight they would just hang out after Frank calmed down and then tomorrow Gerard would ask him about his...fixation. Gerard just wanted to make sure Frank wanted to be his friend and wasn’t using him and he figured it was a fair enough deal. He’d stay the weekend in return for Frank’s honesty. 

When Frank walked into the kitchen with red eyes and dried tear tracks on his face about twenty minutes later, Gerard knew he had made the right decision. He couldn’t have left Frank alone like that, no matter what he’d said.

( )( )( )

Linda hadn’t let the boys out of her sight for the rest of the night. Eventually, Frank’s dad, Frank Sr. had joined them and asked if everyone wanted to watch a movie. Before either boy could answer, Linda responded that she thought it was a great idea. 

Frank and Gerard followed Frank’s parents into the movie room. Gerard, to say the least, was shocked. There was a projector screen and two rows of reclining movie chairs—just like at the movie theaters. He and Frank sat next to each other and Frank’s parent sat together across the isle. 

They watched _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,_ a choice made by Linda. Gerard could feel Frank looking at him but it wasn’t his usual staring. He could tell Frank was trying to figure out why he had stayed. Gerard just kept his eyes glued to the screen. 

After the movie, Linda had declared it bed time and recruited the boys to take extra blankets and pillows upstairs. After an unnecessary amount of blankets and pillows were carried into Frank’s room, Linda wished them a goodnight and promised to make breakfast for them in the morning. 

Gerard didn’t want to sleep on the couch in the lounge (partially because all of him couldn’t fit comfortably and partially in fear that he’d break it if he put all of his weight on it) and decided to sleep in Frank’s bed with him. It was big enough for the both of them to sleep in without touching anyway. 

“I can sleep on the couch,” Frank whispered when he saw Gerard set his book bag down on his bed. 

“No, it’s fine,” Gerard answered. 

“Gerard—”

“We’ll talk in the morning, okay?” Gerard said, giving Frank a serious look. 

“I… Okay.” 

( )( )( )

The morning after was interesting, to say the least. Linda had woken the boys up at 11 a.m. to eat breakfast and afterwards they both went back up to Frank’s bedroom suite. Frank offered for them to play video games and Gerard agreed. After a couple of hours playing _Call of Duty,_ Gerard set his controller down and turned to Frank. 

“Okay, so I think we need to talk,” he stated. 

Frank visibly flinched at the words, but sighed and turned to Gerard, pausing the game. “Go ahead. Lay it on me.” 

“Frank, I’m not going to yell at you. I just want to understand.”

“It’d just be easier if you yelled at me,” Frank laughed. 

“I just want to know that you want to be my friend because you like me for me—not because I fit the image in some fantasy you have or because you feel bad that I got—” Gerard paused, not wanting to say the word and Frank picked up instantly. 

“Don’t say it. You don’t have to. I know I was harsh yesterday and I’m sorry.” Frank apologized. 

“Thanks.” Gerard whispered but made no move to say anything more. 

Frank figured that there was no point in stalling anymore and started in on his explanation. “I guess…I noticed you because of your weight. I never intended to make a move and I would’ve never probably talked you if Mikey hadn’t gotten sick right before my math test. Then you helped me that one night and we talked about comic books and movies and that just made you even cooler to me.” Frank paused, dark images passing through his mind. “Then I saw what happened to you and it destroyed me. Please don’t hate me, because I’m going to be really honest with you right now and if you get mad I really don’t want you to yell. Because I know I’m in the wrong, okay?” 

“What are you talking about?” Gerard questioned. Frank was starting to shake and Gerard was actually getting nervous about whatever Frank was going to tell him. 

“I just have this thing, I guess. It’s a fetish and, yeah, it’s embarrassing to talk about, but it’s what I like. I just—it’s called Feederism. I like big people and I like watching them eat, and I like watching them gain weight and I’m so sorry,” Frank said now starting to cry, the shame and degradation hitting him all at once. 

Gerard had to admit that he was a little bit weirded out. Frank liked to watch him eat... Now a lot of the staring made sense, but what didn’t make sense was Frank’s crying. So he was into _weird_ things, but Gerard wasn’t yelling or doing anything. He was just trying to listen like Frank had asked of him. 

“I didn’t mean to, but that night I left, I didn’t drop my phone. I was hoping maybe you’d be eating or changing or something...and so I went to the window, but I swear I never would have if I had known. I never expected to see what I saw and I’m so sorry that that’s happening to you.” 

Gerard was shocked. Whatever he had been expecting Frank to say, it wasn’t that. 

“After I saw that, I didn’t know what to think. I thought you two were together and that hurt because I liked you. When I brought it up to you and saw how much you freaked out, I realized what was happening and it broke my heart. You don’t deserve that, Gerard. You need to get help and I want to help you. I don’t just want to be around you because you’re big. Yes, maybe that was why I originally found you, but it’s not why I’m still here. If you were only some fetish to me, do you really think I’d lie to Mikey and stick around with all of your baggage? No. I’m here because I like you for you, and I don’t want you to keep getting hurt. That’s why I invited you over all weekend. I figured we’d play video games and watch movies and talk and get to know each other better. I really like you, and I’m so sorry I lied about that night I saw you.” 

Gerard was now also crying. He was crying because of Johnny and crying because of Frank, and crying because he didn’t know what else to do. He was overcome with so much emotion that crying just seemed like the best possible option. After thinking everything through, Gerard wiped his eyes and looked at Frank. 

“I believe you.” 

Frank smiled through his tears. “I really do like you, Gerard.”

“I-I think I like you, too,” Gerard answered. 

The rest of Saturday night was spent with Frank and Gerard doing exactly what Frank had anticipated—playing video games and watching movies. 

At one point, Frank’s mom brought them up food and Frank felt ashamed. Once she went back downstairs he told Gerard he still felt bad even though he had already apologized. He said he didn’t want Gerard to constantly feel uncomfortable and reminded him that he didn’t see him as only a fetish. Gerard picked up a handful of chips and started eating them right in front of him. 

“Don’t feel bad,” he said, mouth full. “We talked about it. I trust you.” 

They went to bed that night in Frank’s bed, lying a little bit closer than they had the night before. 

( )( )( )

Sunday, the boys had woken up and ate another big breakfast prepared by Linda. Afterwards, they had been having a _Harry Potter_ marathon in the movie room and lost track of time. Frank Sr. came into the room during _The Half-Blood Prince_ to tell Frank he wanted to watch the game in there so they needed to start cleaning up. Frank didn’t think anything of it and asked Gerard if he wanted to eat some dinner since it was around 6 o’clock and they had missed lunch due to all their snacking on popcorn. 

Gerard followed Frank into the kitchen quietly and when Frank asked him what he wanted he just responded with a ‘whatever you want.’ 

Frank ordered a pizza for the two of them and poured them each a glass of Coke. He then sat down across from Gerard at the island. “You okay?” he asked. 

“I just feel weird not being home,” Gerard said. “Y’know, ‘cause it’s a game night.” 

Frank frowned. “You’re better off over here. We can actually watch the game too if you want to.” He offered. 

Gerard laughed. “I’ve never actually watched any of the games.” 

“None?” Frank asked, kind of shocked. 

Gerard shook his head. “None. Not even the Super Bowl.” 

“Can I ask, like...how that all even started?” Frank questioned trying not to seem too much like he was prying. 

“I was upset about something dumb,” Gerard said after a moment’s hesitation. “I don’t even remember what it was. I threw a tantrum upstairs but no one really paid any attention to me ,so I went back down to my room. Johnny came down to check on me and see why I was upset. Then he—” Gerard stopped and just shook his head slowly. “He asked me if I wanted to know what he did whenever he was having a bad day and I said yes.” Gerard’s voice cracked on the yes. “I was so fucking dumb.” 

“Hey, don’t say that,” Frank interrupted. 

“I was. I let him use me and I didn’t even fight back. I’ve _never_ fought back.”

“Wait...how long ago was this?” Frank asked, a sense of dread filling his stomach. 

“I was eleven when that happened.” 

“Seven years ago?!” Frank exclaimed, his jaw dropping. “Gerard you need to tell someone. This can’t keep going on! He needs to be locked away!” 

“He’s my dad’s best friend,” Gerard groaned. “Even my mom likes him. Everyone likes him.” Gerard paused. “It’s not like anything can really be done now. He’s already gotten all of me. I’m working on stopping him though, and soon enough it should all just be over.”

“What are you talking about?” Frank asked curiously. 

“I-I’m gaining weight. He doesn’t like me like this. He always tells me so. If I get big enough, I figure he’ll just leave me alone.” 

“Gerard that’s not okay,” Frank told him in a concerned voice. 

“Really? I figured you’d like it,” Gerard laughed, trying to alleviate the tension and make the whole thing into a joke. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m just kind of a mess right now.” 

Gerard felt something touch his hand and looked down to Frank’s hand on top of his.

“Gerard, I would never do something like that, and what you’re doing to try and stop him isn’t healthy. You need to tell someone who can really help you. Tell an adult; hell, tell one of my parents and they could report it anonymously and get him arrested if you wanted.”

“I appreciate it, I really do, but I’d rather just handle this myself,” Gerard stated. 

Frank wanted to say more but realized that was the end of the discussion and left it there. 

( )( )( )

Sunday night, neither boy slept. They laid cuddled together and talking all night. They talked about everything they could think of and then some. Both felt comfortable and safe together. Neither one of them felt lonely for the first time in years and they both wanted to relish in it for as long as they possibly could. 

When it started to get light out Gerard, got his things together and got ready for the walk over to his own house before school. Frank walked him down to his front door and before he left gave Gerard a small peck on the lips. Gerard blushed and smiled. “I had a really good weekend. I’m glad I stayed.” He admitted. 

“I’m glad you stayed too.” Frank smiled. “I’ll see you in study hall okay?” 

“Yeah see you.” Gerard called as he walked away. He felt invincible, like nothing, not even Johnny could tear him down.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Jatty here. Sorry for the EXTREMELY long delay in the posting of this chapter (and chapter 4 which is also coming very soon--no hiatus this time, I promise! It's finished, I'm just revising it now!) I take full responsibility for that. I slipped into a bit of a depressive episode, but I think that's far behind us now (at least, I hope!) I really hope you enjoy this chapter! Again there's a chapter 4 coming because I realized while doing revisions that this chapter is SUPER LONG if we keep both parts together. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your patience!

Gerard felt like he couldn’t breathe as he stared at the marks on his History test. He thought he’d studied hard enough, but he’d lost points on almost every extended response question and failed the entire section on the French Revolution because he’d mixed up the events with the June Days rebellion. 

How had he done that? How had he gotten that confused? 

His dad was going to _kill_ him. 

If he didn’t get his History grade up, he was going to fail the course—and he was really running out of time to fix it. He couldn’t help that his grades were poor. It was hard to focus when every single weekday was a countdown to Sunday… 

Oh, God… _Sunday!_

Gerard had been hoping to see Frank again—to go to Frank’s place for the weekend to hide. There was no way his dad was going to let that happen now. Not after he saw the bright red D- on the top of Gerard’s test.

He really felt like he was going to cry.

The rest of the day he felt as if he were in some sort of fog—a bad dream he couldn’t wake up from. He just couldn’t believe he’d found a way to escape Johnny and then ruined it by being so fucking _stupid._

“Hey! Are you okay?” Frank was quick to approach him as he got his books out of his locker after school—quick to approach him and quick to put a warm hand on his shoulder. Gerard felt like he could practically shatter under the gentle grip. Everything was ruined… Everything was so wrong and Gerard was afraid of what would happen when he told Frank the news. “What’s wrong?”

“Failed my fuckin’ AP History test,” Gerard said, managing to keep his voice from cracking as he faked some sort of self-control. All he wanted to do was burst into tears.

“Oh no! Do you think they’ll let you retake it? What happened?”

“Mr. Cowen doesn’t let you retake tests,” Gerard muttered, slamming his locker and slinging his bag up onto his back.

“Do you think you’re going to get in trouble?”

“My dad’s going to kill me. I probably… I probably can’t come over this weekend,” Gerard said, quickly turning his eyes away in a vain attempt to keep Frank from seeing him start to cry. 

Mikey was walking over to them, looking concerned—clearly able to tell that Gerard was upset and quick to think that Frank had caused it again. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Probably going to fail History this year. Probably going to drop out… Not like it matters,” Gerard said, walking away from both Mikey and Frank and hurrying down the hallway. His stomach was in knots and for the first time, he didn’t feel like eating to comfort himself. 

He felt like he needed to puke and the feeling just got worse and worse as he heard his brother and Frank chasing after him, trying to get him to stop. It wasn’t hard for them to catch up and it left him feeling even worse.

God, he was so useless. So fucking out of shape that he was panting while Mikey and Frank were speaking to him just fine—not even out of breath. In that moment, he no longer believed any of the nice things Frank had said to him the weekend before. He didn’t believe that Frank didn’t care that he was overweight. He didn’t believe that anyone could find him attractive because of it. He was fat and slow and _stupid._ He couldn’t do anything right. 

It was his fault Johnny was still able to get to him after all these years. 

“Leave me alone! Just leave me alone!” Gerard shouted as Mikey and Frank came to walk beside him. He just felt trapped between them—adding even more to the feeling that the walls were closing in on him. 

Everything just felt so hopeless now. He’d had a way out and he ruined it. He ruined it all because he thought the June Days happened before the revolution. All because he’d gotten one detail mixed up…

He was going to be home on Sunday with Johnny…

Every minute felt like a knife in his heart as that realization overwhelmed him. 

He barely heard anything his father said to him that night as he scolded him and reprimanded him for letting his grades go—for “letting himself go” too. 

“Do you just not care anymore? It’s like you’re not even trying! All you seem to want to do is _eat!_ That’s the only thing I can say you actually focus on, Gerard. I’m _worried_ about you. Do you see what’s happening to yourself?”

Did he see what was happening to him? He was getting fucking fat—he was getting obese and it wasn’t stopping anything that happened. He was seventeen and couldn’t defend himself—not against Johnny and not against his father’s harsh words. 

“Answer me!”

“I’m fucking fat! What do you want me to say!? I’m fat and I’m stupid! There! Are you happy!?” Gerard felt lower than dirt as he started to sob, awful memories playing over in his mind as he tore himself away from the awful conversation to hide in his bedroom. He could still hear his father speaking upstairs—talking to his mother now. 

“I don’t know what his problem is… He just ran off.”

“Why do you have to get on him about his weight? He’s _sensitive.”_

“He needs to be a man—he’s seventeen. He’s got to start thinking about his health.”

“He’s _sensitive,”_ Gerard’s mother repeated. Gerard could tell right away she was implying far more than what she said. She knew… 

Oh, God. She knew what he was.

Somehow that made everything even worse.

They gave him all of fifteen minutes to himself before his father was downstairs in his bedroom, harping on him some more about his failed test grade and what he’d “earned himself” by not trying.

“I can’t just let you go out this weekend if you proved spending time with your friends is going to keep you from studying.”

“I just mixed up the dates! It was a mistake. I _did_ study!” Gerard argued, knowing it wasn’t going to fix anything. Pleading never worked on his father.

“Well, you can spend this weekend studying harder and then you won’t mix them up on the next test.”

“Can I at least stay over on Sunday night? W-We were going to work on his math—”

“No! You’re not staying over there on nights you have school in the morning anymore. That’s a privilege and you proved you can’t handle it.”

“Can he stay here?” Gerard asked, trying not to let the panic bubbling up in his chest overwhelm him completely. 

“No! What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand? Get your grades back up and maybe in a few weeks you can start staying out on weekends again. Until then, you’re grounded.” 

A few weeks… 

That was all Gerard could think as his father went back upstairs. 

A few weeks with no possible way of escaping Johnny. He couldn’t go to Frank’s and there was no way he’d be allowed to have Frank over either. 

There was absolutely nothing he could do—all because he mixed up one set of events with another on a stupid, worthless test. 

He barely slept that night and was left horribly groggy and exhausted the following morning. It was only Thursday and he didn’t know how he was going to make it through the week. He could barely even summon the effort to focus on his Math test Friday afternoon, wondering why he should even bother because it would still be _a few more weeks_ before his father decided to unground him for failing one AP History test. 

Saturday came and Gerard spent every moment of it hidden down in his bedroom unless he was coming upstairs to find something to eat. His father kept snapping at him for it, but Gerard didn’t care. What did it matter if his father was upset with him? What did it matter if there was barely anything other than bread butter left for him to eat by Sunday morning? He was trapped and his only way out was through food.

“If you eat all this before my friends get here, I’m going to kill you before your father can even get the chance,” his mother said as she laid out her famous Game Day spread. Gerard ignored her and filled a plate with two of the pre-made sub sandwiches, a large handful of chips, and as many cookies as he could stack on the paper plate without it breaking. “Gerard! I _mean_ it! This has gotten way out of hand!”

Against, he ignored her and took his plate back down into his bedroom where he sat at his desk to stuff his face. He listened to the guests arrive until he heard Johnny's voice, then had to quit eating as his stomach gave a painful lurch. 

The stress, in combination with the amount of food he was forcing himself to eat, was wreaking havoc on him and he was only able to swallow it back a few times before he ended up vomiting into his small trashcan. He didn’t know what to do… 

He could hear Johnny talking and all he wanted was to stuff more food into his mouth in hopes he might gain a thousand pounds in the few hours he had left before the game ended and Johnny would descend on him. Gerard rinsed his mouth with soda—the only drink he had—and spit it into the trashcan as well before trying to go back to eating. His hands were shaking and he could feel himself starting to cry as his stomach twisted into knots again. 

He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his stomach as best he could, but it didn’t work. 

He ended up vomiting again while his brain screamed at him to keep eating—keep eating, keep eating, _keep eating!_

It was no use. He was defeated… His body had betrayed him and wasn’t going to let him take another bite, no matter how badly he needed to. Gerard was left on his knees by his tiny, close to overflowing trashcan now, gagging and sobbing while too many voices cheered and shouted upstairs.

“Gerard?”

The soft voice calling out to him set Gerard’s nerves even more on edge and he took in a shaky breath before turning to look over his shoulder at the stairs. Mikey was standing there looking horrified behind his smudged up glasses, holding onto the very end of the handrail as if it were the only thing keeping him upright.

“What?” Gerard asked, gagging again but managing to swallow it down.

“Are you okay?” Mikey asked cautiously. 

“Go away,” Gerard said, shaking his head bitterly as he tied up the end of the bag in his trashcan—hoping it’d do something for the smell. 

“What’s wrong?” Mikey pressed.

“Just do me a favor and leave. Please? Just please leave me alone.”

“Are you sick?”

“Mikey, just go!” Gerard snapped, feeling the shame eat away at him as he imagined how pathetic he must look to Mikey right now. 

“But what’s wrong?” Mikey asked.

“Nothing—just go! Go away!”

Mikey hesitated, then bit his lip and turned around—going back upstairs. Gerard waited there for about half an hour, expecting one of his parents to show up in his room at any moment. He couldn’t think of any excuse to tell them, and it’d be obvious to his mother that he was getting sick from overeating. But no one ever came down. No one cared enough to check on him. 

He waited until he felt a little more confident that his face didn’t betray how much he’d been crying and puking his guts out, then snuck upstairs to put his soiled trashbag into the trashcan inside the garage. He managed to avoid being seen, but caught a glimpse of Johnny standing by his father’s chair in the living room moments before he dipped back down to hide in his room. 

Maybe he should’ve left the vomit in his trashcan. Maybe the smell would’ve been enough to put Johnny off for the night.

He knew better though… Johnny didn’t care about what he looked like or smelled like or sounded like when he begged. The end result was always the same.

So a little after one a.m., Gerard wasn’t surprised to hear the man’s footsteps cross the floor overhead...descend the stairs one at a time, carefully as if he didn’t want Gerard to hear.

As he came nearer and nearer, Gerard lay on his side in his bed—staring at the wall and thinking of Frank. Thinking about how much fun he’d had last weekend and how he’d been hoping and wishing all week that he’d be able to do it again tonight. Hoping, in vain, that he’d somehow manage to escape from Johnny for the rest of game season. 

He was hoping he could put all of this behind him and move forward from it with Frank…

Oh, God. What was Frank going to think if he laid here and it let it happen again? How was he going to handle Frank’s texts in the morning asking him if he was okay, asking him if he’d fought Johnny off or told his parents?

“There you are… There’s my boy,” Johnny cooed, crawling over top Gerard on the bed. He reeked of booze and it made Gerard gag again, not that Johnny cared or noticed. “Your dad told me you flunked a history test. That’s not like you,” he said, kissing Gerard’s neck until Gerard squirmed away to the edge of the bed. “At least you just got grounded. You know what my daddy woulda done to me if I came home with a flunked test?” 

Gerard sobbed as Johnny’s burning hot palm grabbed his ass and squeezed. 

“Let’s just say I wouldn’t be sitting down for a week. You’re lucky your dad isn’t one to use the belt on you.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” Gerard cried, grabbing Johhny’s wrist but not able to muster the courage to pry his hand off his thigh. 

Johnny moaned a few more nauseating sentences as he slipped his hand beneath Gerard’s still-buttoned jeans. He played with the meat of Gerard’s thighs and then got to work—pouncing on Gerard all at once and stripping him of his jeans while Gerard barely resisted. 

How could he? What could he do? It had been happening so long and his body just went paralyzed when Johnny touched him. He didn’t want hurt—he didn’t want to scream and have his parents come down and see him like this.

“Do you see what you’re doing to yourself here? Look at this!” Johnny boomed as he grabbed Gerard by the stomach, squeezing the roll of fat in his fist until Gerard couldn’t help but screech in pain. “Why are you doing this to me? Do you know how hard it is to make love to you with all _this_ in the way? I see how much you eat! I see you coming up for more and more food every night. It’s disgusting!”

All the good thoughts or feelings Gerard had ever kept in his head slipped away into darkness and pain. He remembered Frank convincing him that his was attractive—that there were actually people in existence who could want him _because_ he looked like this. 

All he heard were Johnny’s thoughts—Johnny’s hatred—until he was forced onto his hands and knees while thick fingers dug away inside of him. 

It was hard to breathe, Gerard realized. It was hard to breathe with his face pushed against the mattress and his own weigh crushing down on his shoulders and chest. Johnny’s extra weight on his back didn’t help when the man finally shoved his way inside. 

Gerard whimpered helplessly, his hands clawing at the sheets and pillows and anything else within reach. Each thrust closed off his windpipe and his already short breaths became even more labored. He felt the panic well in his chest, his legs kicking out instinctively as Johnny’s pace sped up. It used to never be this rough and Gerard realized with terror that it was his efforts to make Johnny stop which made him vicious. The more weight he gained, the less Johnny liked him—the more he _hated_ him. The more he wanted to see Gerard hurt.

His sheets were becoming soaked with tears and snot and spit as he sobbed and coughed into the mattress, the damp fabric sticking to his face and making him feel as if he were being smothered—making him twice as claustrophobic as he already was with Johnny over top of him.

He thought of Frank again—how he’d been happy—then felt a choked of scream leave his throat as Johnny shoved his hips forward roughly. 

“Don’t do that!” Johnny barked, rubbing his overheated hand up and down Gerard’s back in a gesture that was meant to be soothing but left Gerard wanting to crawl out of his skin. “Hush, baby. Relax. Relax into it. I’ll finish you off right after, okay?” He grunted. “I’ll get you off when I’m done. Can’t reach you from here.”

“I don’t want this!” Gerard gasped, his words cut off with each thrust. “P-Please stop, Johnny! Johnny!” He screamed again when his begging did nothing—but is scream only made Johnny push down on him harder.

He couldn’t _breathe_ like this. He was going to die like this!

Those were the only thoughts in his head as Gerard began breathing faster and faster against the wet cloth sticking to his lips and nose. His stomach gave a horrible lurch and the gagging combined with his smothered face gave him no option but to vomit and lay in it as Johnny pounded him harder—not even pausing as he groaned in disgust.

Even his repulsion wasn’t enough to make Johnny stop.

This was hell.

He was in absolute hell and there was no way out.

( ) ( ) ( )

Mikey couldn’t sleep with how much Frank was blowing up his phone. 

He thought he’d put it on silent, but the repetitive pulse of vibrations on the pillow next to his head told him otherwise and he forced his stinging eyes open. He was exhausted after staying up with his family to watch the game and listen to some of the stories his dad’s friends were telling about their days in high school and college on the foot ball team.

He didn’t understand why Gerard never wanted to spend time with them. The game, he knew, couldn’t hold Gerard’s interest, but their parents’ friends were kind of fun and Johnny would let them sneak beers the later the night drew on. 

Mikey had only had two, but he was so tired he may as well have had a thousand.

That alone made it hard for him to understand why Frank was texting him “Please go check on Gerard. Check on Gerard. Please have someone go check on him. Please! Please go check on him! Wake up! Wake up and check on him!” Each one its own message.

He stared at it, blinked a few times, and then it was as if his body jolted awake all at once. 

Something must’ve happened. Gerard must’ve texted Frank something and hurt himself. He’d been suicidal before and Mikey knew a bit about the self-harm Gerard used to inflict. It scared him enough to get out of the bed and start down the stairs. He reminded himself to walk quietly to avoid disturbing Johnny who often slept over on the couch since he was a bachelor and didn’t have a sober wife to drive him home after the game. 

Only when he got downstairs, Johnny wasn’t on the couch and he didn’t remember seeing a beam of light in the hallway upstairs to indicate he’d gone to the bathroom.

What he did notice was screaming. Muffled yells coming up from Gerard’s room. Agonized yells…

They frightened Mikey to his core and he was left frozen for a moment, unable to move forward or back towards the stairs—hardly able to even think. He didn’t know what was happening or why Gerard was hurt, but something was wrong if he was making a noise like that. 

It wasn’t just crying. He was hurt.

Oh, God… Frank had been texted him for the better part of an hour and if he’d just looked at the messages the first time instead of turning off his ringer, this wouldn’t have happened—whatever _this_ was.

Shaking his way out of the stupor, Mikey turned and went back upstairs—careful not to make a sound in fear that he’d be caught, that he might even be blamed somehow if anyone saw him.

He got to his parents’ closed bedroom door and hesitated only a moment before knocking quietly. When his father’s steady snoring didn’t falter, Mikey squeezed his eyes shut and knocked harder until the snores abruptly cut off and he could hear his mother muttering “What? What…?” 

“What is it?” His father asked, irritable and sleepy. 

Mikey opened the door and tried to force coherent words to come out. 

He managed something like “Gerard! You have to check. Something’s wrong.”

His mother got up first, pulling down the t-shirt she wore for pajamas while his dad still seemed too disoriented to get up.

“What’s the matter?” He asked.

“Something’s wrong with Gerard,” his mother said as she pushed past Mikey to start down the stairs. His father quickly got up and followed her, grumbling a little to himself before gesturing for Mikey to go back to his room. 

Mikey tried to listen and went into his room, but only managed to stand there for four or five seconds before going down the stairs after his parents—but stopping as soon as the true screams erupted from the basement of their house.

( ) ( ) ( )

Gerard was screaming with every last breath in his lungs, his face burning from being pushed into the sheets soaked and reeking with vomit that clung to his hair, his skin, his eyelashes—everything. 

He was crying so hard that his nose was stuffed up, preventing him from breathing except through his mouth. He must’ve looked like a fish dragged out of the water, gasping for air as shriek after shout after wail tore from his throat. 

His whole body had become one big mass of pain—a body, he decided, wasn’t even worth living in any more. He couldn’t think of anything but the pain and his own self-loathing for not being able to make this stop—for not even trying. 

And then it happened.

People were shouting—hollering. 

He didn’t even recognize for a moment that it was his own parents. It was his _mother_ shrieking and his father hollering in a rage.

“What are you doing!? What the fuck are you doing!?” His mother screeched.

“Get off him! What the hell are you thinking!?” His father’s booming voice.

Next thing Gerard knew, an unbearable pain ripped through him as Johnny’s body was yanked away. All Gerard could do was collapse out of the agonizing position and try to shuffle beneath his soiled blankets to hide himself from being seen. 

He could hear a crashing noise across his room but wouldn’t look to see. His father and Johnny were both yelling and his mother was screeching even more.

“Get him out of here! I’ll kill him! I’ll kill him!” She screamed, over and over before Gerard felt her hands on the back of his neck. He twisted away from her, pulling on his sheets until he realized just how slimy and wet and gross they were. 

Hell, he remembered. He was trapped in a living hell.

“What the hell are you thinking, Johnny!? That’s my fucking son!” Don shouted, the crashing and banging finally over.

“Gerard, it’s okay—let me find your clothes,” his mother was saying, her voice trying to sound gentle while still teeming with rage. 

“It’s not what it looks like! Don, I wouldn’t hurt him!” Johnny was saying, sounding sickeningly rational compared to everyone else in the room. His voice didn’t even shake. He prepared for this… He knew they’d get caught. “He wanted me—we’ve been together a while. Isn’t that right?” 

Gerard froze, body stiffening as he realized everyone had to be looking at him now. Everyone was looking at him—his fat, worthless body covered in puke and slime. They were all staring.

“Gerard, isn’t that right?” Johnny asked again before a fist connected with him somewhere—a dull thunk—and he grunted in pain. “Don, I—”

“You think we’re the dumb!? That’s my son! You’re raping my son, you son of a bitch!”

“Get him out of here!” Donna screamed. “I want him out! Out!—Out!” The next thing Gerard knew, his mother was wiping his face off with a clean end of the blankets and a pair of sweat pants was being pushed into his hands. “We’ll get this cleaned up, okay? Are you alright? Did he give you anything?—Something to take that made you sick?” 

Gerard couldn’t answer her. He was still trying to breathe and trying to figure out if it was actually over. 

There was more shouting upstairs followed by a large smash and a thunderous noise that made his mother stand up from the bed. 

“Get dressed. It’s okay. It’ll be okay—I’ll be back. I’ll be right back.” She didn’t even look at him as she hurried up the stair, calling out his father’s name. 

The adults fought and Gerard felt more and more like a small child as he got out of bed and made himself get dressed. He was still a sniveling mess as he wiped his hair and neck as clean as he could before a door slammed upstairs and his mother and father were both back in his room asking him questions. 

So many questions—awful questions he couldn’t answer at all. Not a single one. 

They told him to go upstairs and shower. Promised him he’d feel better.

Go shower, was all he could focus on. Wash the evidence away, he understood. They kicked Johnny out and that was to be the end of it…wasn’t it?

Gerard had stayed in the bathroom at least an hour after he’d finished showering, standing in the shower with the curtain drawn and his arms wrapped around his chest. He felt broken...beyond lost. He was afraid to move, and not just because of the pain it would bring. Leaving the room, stepping out from behind the curtain of the shower, would make it real.

He would have to face his parents. He would have to explain what happened. Tell them how it started...listen to their insults, their “concerns.”

He was still trying to decide whether or not he was disappointed or relieved that they seemed to have no interest in taking him to the hospital or calling the police. In one respect, it meant he wouldn’t have to explain all of this to anyone. On the other hand, did that mean they didn’t _care_ what had happened? Did they think it was Gerard’s idea—or fear that people would believe Johnny’s version of the story?

Slowly, however, the chills set in as the steam from the shower swirled away. Gerard pulled the towel around his shoulders first, fluffing his hair and burying his face in the soft fabric as he willed himself not to cry anymore. He dried off his body and changed into the sweat clothes he’d brought up with him, then brushed his teeth while trying to avoid looking at himself in the mirror.

Eventually, he dared to open the door and step into the hallway. The cold air immediately made him shiver, and his discomfort only worsened when he saw Mikey peering at him from his bedroom doorway. There were so many questions in his eyes—eyes red rimmed like he’d been crying and was trying to hide it.

Gerard looked away, not able to talk to him—not sure what to say or if he even had a voice left. He didn’t know where to go now, so he stood at the top of the stairs in the same way he’d stood in the shower. He couldn’t hear anyone talking at all downstairs and he didn’t want to go down to find them—not wanting to walk and not wanting to go back in his bedroom. Everything hurt and his body was still wracked with tremors as his memories ate away at him.

His parents had seen _everything._ What were they going to think of him now?

What were they even going to say to him? Wouldn’t it just be easier to kill himsef than to deal with all of this humiliation and heartache? 

“Are you okay?” Mikey asked, behind him. Gerard heard, but couldn’t speak to answer.

Had he seen as well? The thought just made him want to cry again.

Downstairs, he suddenly heard his parents’ voices growing in volume until they both started up the stairs.

“Why don’t you sleep in our room tonight?” His mother said, looking up and seeing him. “Your dad and I will sleep downstairs. Okay?”

Gerard nodded, but waited until his mom guided him into the bedroom herself. He was too embarrassed to sit on the bed when she patted it for him after fixing the sheets. He knew it would hurt and he didn’t want her to see him flinch. He didn’t want her to see anything more than she already had.

“We’ll talk more in the morning, okay? You just try to get some rest. Dad and I are right downstairs if you need anything.”

Gerard could only nod a second time and avoid his mother’s pained stare. She pulled him into an embrace and kissed his cheek before repeating that she was “just downstairs” if he needed her. Then she left the room, shutting the door behind her, and told Mikey to go to sleep and let his brother sleep. She promised him everything would be okay and Gerard wished beyond belief that that could be true.

But nothing was okay. Nothing was going to be okay ever again because they _knew._ His parents _knew._ They’d seen it happening.

In the moment they’d been mad at Johnny. In the moment they’d lost their tempers and chased him away...but in the morning, nothing would be the same.

They would realize he was old enough to know better. They’d realize he was old enough to have said something or done something to stop it on his own…

As Gerard buried himself under his parent’s blankets, that was all he could think about. How he _should have_ been able to muster the strength to speak up, put an end to it… Instead, he’d been weak. He’d stuffed his face in hopes it would make him repulsive or kill him—just so it could all be over without him ever having to speak a word.

And he’d failed. He was a failure…

A big, _gigantic,_ worthless failure.

Gerard didn’t know how long he laid in the bed or how long he actually managed to sleep. He didn’t dream, he didn’t pay attention to the clock...but the room slowly grew brighter and brighter. When he finally rolled over to look at the clock, it was ten in the morning...then eleven.

Noon…

No one came to wake him. No one came to check on him. They just left him there alone.

At one thirty, Gerard forced himself out of the bed and showered again, brushed his teeth again and tried combing his hair a bit before giving up and crawling right back into the bed. He couldn’t face them. How was he supposed to face them? What was he going to say?

What were _they_ going to say?

He was left on his own, in and out of sleep, stressing over it until four o’clock when his father of all people knocked on the door and came inside.

“Hey… How are you feeling?” He asked. He had a glass of water in one hand and some pills in the other. Advil—as if his dad thought he was just trying to sleep off a hangover. How was Advil supposed to fix anything?

Gerard didn’t complain, however. He sat up stiffly, trying to hide just how much it hurt him, and took the pills without speaking and without looking his father in the eye.

“I wanted to talk to you, you know...about what happened.”

“Last night?” Gerard asked, stalling while trying to call to mind any other memory just to block out the one his father commanded

“Yes. Last night...” After a long silence, he pressed again. “Is that...the first time that happened?”

“No,” Gerard answered softly, regretting it instantly and wishing he’d lied instead. He stared at the covered window, avoiding looking at his father at all costs.

“Can you tell me when it started?”

“I don’t know,” Gerard whispered.

“Well is it a recent thing? I mean, Johnny said…”

Gerard shook his head, instantly feeling close to tears again and hating himself for it. He shook his head again and squeezed his eyes shut, desperately warding off the tears before he turned into a complete fool. Johnny had said Gerard had wanted him. Did his parents believe that? He was crying and covered in puke, how could anyone even think for a second that he had wanted it? Wanted Johnny raping week after week for years. 

“I won’t have him over anymore, okay? Last night...that’s the last of him. I won’t let him get to you again, understand?” His father said after seeing the hurt and pain spread across Gerard’s face at his question. 

“Okay,” Gerard said, not sure if his voice even made noise in the quiet room. He was having trouble trusting his father’s words. 

“Your mom and I were talking...we think it’d be good for you to have someone to talk to about...all this. I think it’s been going on a lot longer than you’re ever going to want to tell us. I want to make sure you’re...you’re okay. Mom and I don’t want anything to happen to you, Gerard.”

His father put a hand on his shoulder and Gerard couldn’t help but flinch, making his father recoil. His son was so broken and he felt terrible. 

“What he did to you was wrong. It wasn’t your fault. You know that, right?”

Again, Gerard just shrugged.

It didn’t matter whose fault it was anymore. It had happened. It had been happening...and now people knew about it. People had seen it. People besides Frank.

Oh, God… How was he going to explain all of this to Frank? That it was all over, except someone, multiple fucking people had _seen it happen._

Someone had seen all of his worthless, fat flesh doing nothing to stop Johnny from ripping him apart.

“Is there anything Mom or I can do? Do you want something to eat? We’ll get you anything you want.”

Eat? Was there anything he wanted to eat? 

For the first time, the thought of food alone made him sick. Food had failed him. His only defense had failed him, and he couldn’t even bring himself to acknowledge his hunger.

“I’m not hungry,” Gerard mumbled, so softly his father asked him to repeat it twice before he finally understood.

“Okay. Do you want to get some more rest or we could...we could watch a movie or something as a family. Mikey’s worried about you.”

Gerard didn’t know what he wanted to do. He just stared at the bedding all around him, unable to really focus on anything or concentrate enough to form a reply. His heart and his head...it all just felt empty. It felt as if someone had broken into his home and robbed him of everything, and all he could do was sit on the ground and stare at the blank walls, hoping something would appear. Some thought, maybe, or a feeling—a want. That was all anyone expected of him—to have him tell them what he _wanted,_ like that even mattered.

Eventually, his father left the room and Gerard imagined he must’ve gone back to sleep. Regardless of the time, it wasn’t until much later that he realized he didn’t have his cell phone and that no one had bothered to bring it to him in between glasses of water and plates of food that he didn’t touch.

The following day, he wasn’t allowed to hide anymore and his parents forced him out of their bedroom. They’d set up an air mattress in Mikey’s room for him, saying they hoped he would feel up to going out the next day to pick out a new bed set for downstairs. It made him sick to think about it and for the first time in months he couldn’t even begin to finish the food on his plate at dinner.

His father tried talking to him again, then his mother...Mikey asked him questions which were so much less invasive, but Gerard could answer none of them. In the week they let him stay home from school, Gerard hardly spoke more than a few sentences to anyone. Least of all Frank.

There were so many messages on his phone from the other boy, begging—pleading—to know if he was alright, if everything was okay, if _they_ were alright. Sometimes, Gerard could answer him. Sometimes it would seem like he was almost able to hold onto a thread of conversation...but then something would happen or a dark feeling would settle over him and Gerard would set his phone aside for a moment and forget to pick it up again.

His silence, it seemed, translated poorly to Frank. It had to…

When it came time for his parents to force him back to school, it felt as if Frank avoided him. The first day, Frank talked to him nonstop, at every opportunity during lunch and in the halls. He wanted to know what happened, he wanted to know why Gerard wasn’t texting him, he wanted to know if he’d done something or said something that crossed a line somewhere, somehow.

All he was trying to do was help. All Frank was trying to do was be supportive, and somehow it just made Gerard withdraw even further into himself. He felt guilty for making people worry, for making everyone aware of the disgusting thing he’d been allowing to happen. Slowly, as the weeks bled on, he stopped speaking just as often as he stopped texting. Frank, Mikey even, would talk and talk and talk at him and all Gerard could do was mumble or nod or just...disconnect completely. Gerard became a walking zombie. 

He knew, part of him knew that he was going too far inside his own head—that he was letting go of too much too fast. Every little thing around him, he was both aware and unaware of. He saw things, but couldn’t bring himself to react. Mikey slowly quit asking him questions and trying to draw him out of his shell...and then so did Frank.

And even though part of him knew Frank quit talking, quit texting, because Gerard never replied or if he did it was with feigned interest, his heart told him it was because he’d started losing weight. He’d gone from eating everything to eating nothing. He started losing weight and that was the only thing Frank had ever liked about him. He never even thought about the possibility that Frank was trying to give him space or allowing him time to recover from whatever had happened. 

In a way, Gerard guessed it was the same old habit. He ate his feelings—he ate from stress or fear or pain. Now, he felt nothing. He was numb and wanted to stay that way. He could control that. Sometimes he felt hungry, but he could control that…

And in that way, Gerard found himself slowly letting go. Of everything.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends Mcrlove412 here. So some news for you. I have not been able to get in touch with jatty for over a month. I am not sure why and I am not sure if they are okay so I ask all of you to keep them in your thoughts. I feel we have made you all wait so long for this last chapter however that I decided to just post the last chapter as is. If Jatty reappears maybe there will be slight some changes made or maybe not. Either way thank you for sticking with us through this story. I hope you enjoy!! & Jatty if you see this I hope you are doing okay. 
> 
>  
> 
> Xoxo mcrlove

Gerard stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. He didn’t even recognize himself. His features were morphed-shrunken in and smaller than he could ever remember them being before. It had been a long summer. A long summer of working out, changing his eating habits, and sessions upon sessions of therapy. 

After everything about Johnny came to light, everyone in his family realized why Gerard was constantly eating. He used food as his coping mechanism and because Johnny had hurt him for so long and so severely, the coping mechanism had gotten far out of control. His parents couldn’t help him on their own and decided that Gerard needed professional help.

Gerard’s parents had decided that a ‘lifestyle’ camp—AKA Fat Camp—was the best option for him. At first Gerard had disagreed. He had cried and argued that he didn’t want to go. Gerard didn’t want to do anything after his secret came to light. He just wanted to die. His life didn’t seem worth living anymore. Johnny had destroyed him completely and all Gerard felt was embarrassment that his family had discovered his secret, that they’d seen it happening. He wished Johnny had just killed him that night, let him suffocate to death so he wouldn’t have to face the fact that his family would never be the same—that _he_ would never be the same. 

His parents had gotten him to admit everything about the length and extremes of what Johnny had done to him. They had waited for him in the kitchen after his shower one day for an intervention. They weren’t letting him hide anymore. After Gerard realized his family wouldn’t let him leave the kitchen without the answers they wanted, the questions started and Gerard’s walls finally broke down. Gerard knew Mikey wasn’t supposed to be listening to the conversation he and his parents were having, but Gerard had seen his shadow in the hallway. He didn’t blame Mikey for eavesdropping though; he felt Mikey deserved to know the truth even if his parents thought the truth would hurt him. Mikey needed to know what had happened so nothing like this would _ever _happen to him.__

__Just the thought… No. Gerard couldn’t stand it._ _

__Gerard knew he was a shitty role model though—or at least he had been. He used to be pathetic and gross, not exactly the best big-brother material. Now, looking in the mirror at himself, Gerard felt proud. He had lost an extreme amount of weight over the summer while at camp. He knew that was the camp’s goal overall, but he had never actually expected to achieve it. He was used to being the failure, the odd one out who could never succeed. Now, Gerard had accomplished things he’d never imagined when he first set foot at the camp. He could run without getting winded, his knees and ankles didn’t constantly ache the way they used to, and he truthfully enjoyed the rush that working out gave him after getting used to it over the first few weeks._ _

__There were no cellphones allowed at the camp and family could only send letters or visit on certain days. It was odd at first and very isolating. There was no “computer time” for social media in the evenings or anything like that at all. The counselors all said that the camp was about living in the present, being in the moment—experiencing their growth and progress firsthand and not making assessments of themselves or their progress through the filter of Facebook comments or knocking themselves down when they still didn’t look as great as the Instagram models they were all known to follow. (Though Gerard didn’t have much experience following Instagram models and wanting to look good in the bikini, he could still see where the rules made sense. It was a nice reprieve to not have someone constantly demanding his attention at all hours of the day, asking him questions and demanding results.)_ _

__With no phone to hide behind, though, Gerard was practically forced out of his shell. During free periods, he always attempted to draw or write to keep him occupied—to keep his mind from wandering—and it surprised him a bit when at this camp, unlike school, his shield of paper and pen did no good. Other campers still would come over to him and talk to him, make friends with him and ask him about his art. It was invigorating to feel included for once, even if he didn’t consider himself particularly _close_ to any of the other campers. Not like he had been with Frank…_ _

__But he tried to keep that out of his mind._ _

__Gerard met many people at the camp, but he still felt as if he were on the outside of the group. None of them had issues like him. They were all here coping with eating habits as well, but none of them seemed to attend as many therapy sessions as he did. They did their daily group meetings and private sessions every other week—but Gerard was there every Tuesday and every other Thursday, talking about what had happened._ _

__Gerard liked his therapists, all the counselors were kind, but he just didn’t want to talk about Johnny. Gerard felt pathetic every time he had to admit how long the abuse had been going on. Everyone at the camp was nice to him, but Gerard wasn’t looking for lifelong friends. Not many people even lived near him so the chances of him ever seeing them after the summer ended was slim to none. Gerard worked out, talked to his therapists, and learned about healthy eating day in and day out with little to no time for anything else._ _

__The camp was about two hours away from Gerard's house and so his family only came out to visit him a couple of times. Gerard was grateful for the visits, but he could tell that his parents still felt guilty for what had happened to him which made the visits hard. The first visit was awkward and uncomfortable because it was with one of Gerard’s therapists. They talked about Johnny and how being abused in his own home could have some traumatic effects on Gerard for when he left the camp. They talked over how re-doing his room for his homecoming could help, how redesigning it could help him “reclaim” it. Gerard liked the idea, but he still didn’t care for the idea of returning to the same room he’d been abused in for years. A change in décor wasn’t going to change what happened there. It wouldn’t stop the memories from bubbling back up._ _

__He just wanted Johnny gone. His old body was gone and he wanted the memories of what had happened to him in that body gone too. The only thing he wished he could keep from his past was Frank._ _

__Gerard hadn’t seen or heard from Frank since the night before he left for camp. Frank had come over after Gerard begged his parents to let him come visit. Gerard’s mother and Mikey already knew that Gerard and Frank had some kind of relationship, but Gerard’s father wasn’t very keen on letting Frank near his son. Don didn’t think that Gerard was confused about his sexuality, but he didn’t want Frank messing with Gerard’s emotions or taking advantage of him when he was so vulnerable. They had finally gotten him to open up and they were concerned about Gerard talking to Frank again after the two had drifted apart. It seemed odd to Don that Gerard would want to see him so bad but Gerard begged for hours to have him let Frank come over._ _

__Reluctantly Don had agreed and Frank came over to visit for two hours the evening before Gerard had to leave. He and Gerard spent time in Mikey’s room, Gerard not wanting to be anywhere near his bed, and though Gerard had tried his best to block the memories out, he could remember being the one crying for a good part of the two hours._ _

__He felt pathetic and unloved and Frank, so he said, felt heartbroken that the person he loved was suffering so much. Gerard told Frank everything. Everything about the attack and about why he had been avoiding him for so long, and about how his parents had caught them. Frank had looked like he was going to be sick at the thought. Frank had wanted Johnny to get in trouble, he’d said, but he knew how awful it was for them to be caught that way._ _

__Gerard had wanted to handle it himself, and Frank had been devastated to hear that that was how it ended up. He wished he’d told someone sooner, before that night, to spare Gerard the hurt and humiliation._ _

__Gerard told Frank that he was going to the camp and wouldn’t be able to see him very much. Gerard felt like shit for having avoided Frank in the first place and knew it was his own fault that the two had drifted apart. No letters…no visits._ _

__He had hoped that while at camp he and Frank could work things out and learn how to be together in a healthy and loving way. Gerard felt so relieved that Frank even came over before he left and felt happy that Frank still seemed to genuinely care for him, even after avoiding him, even after he told him where he was going on why…_ _

__He was going to camp to lose weight—lose the weight Frank loved him for._ _

__Gerard had been afraid that night, and Frank reassured him. Frank had promised to come visit with one final kiss, and then Don told Frank it was time for him to head home. And that was the end of it._ _

__Gerard turned away from the mirror in front him. He didn’t want to see himself cry. Frank had never come._ _

__At first, Gerard had tried to convince himself that it was just the distance—the two hour drive being too long for Frank’s parents to manager. Or maybe they’d gone on vacation for the summer and just weren’t back. For a while, he tried to convince himself that the camp only allowed family to visit and not friends, but then he discovered that was far from true. When he finally asked Mikey about Frank’s whereabouts, Mikey sadly told him that he hadn’t heard from Frank._ _

__Gerard figured it was because Frank knew Gerard was going to a fat camp. After everything the two had gone through, Gerard began to believe and then accept that he had only been a fetish to Frank. Frank knew Gerard was going to lose weight and was no longer interested in him. Gerard no longer held a purpose for him…_ _

__Gerard talked to his therapists about Frank, and once he disclosed Frank’s preference they instantly cautioned Gerard from spending too much time with him again. Frank’s interests would only deter all the progress Gerard had made once he went home. Frank may try to shame him for losing weight or try to trick him into eating unhealthily and gaining it all back. Gerard tried to make it clear that Frank had never once actually fed him anything, but all of Gerard's counselors decided that Frank was a bad idea._ _

__Gerard’s chest hurt just thinking about Frank. He had real feelings for him and to know that Frank’s feelings weren’t real hurt him more than he thought possible. At the beginning of camp Gerard was so excited to get better mentally and come home to work on his first real relationship with everything he was going to learn about having a healthy one. Now, he didn’t even really want to go home. He missed his family but things were awkward and Gerard would just be bored all the time._ _

__He assumed that was for the best anyway. At least then he could use the boredom as motivation to work out._ _

__“Hey your parents just arrived.”_ _

__Gerard looked up to see Jake, one of his counselors smiling at him. “Are you okay?” He asked noticing Gerard’s sad expression._ _

__“Yeah, I’m okay. Just nervous, I guess, about going home,” Gerard said._ _

__“You’re going to blow everyone away,” Jake said. “I mean, look at you! A whole new Gerard Way is coming to take over New Jersey!”_ _

__Gerard laughed at Jake’s attempt to make him feel better. He was going to miss all the kindness that surrounded him here. He knew he wasn’t going to have to deal with high school bullshit anymore, but he was still nervous to go home because he knew he’d still see people from his old school. However, Jake had a point. After losing almost more than half of his starting weight, Gerard didn’t really look like himself anymore. Some of those people might not even recognize him._ _

__He no longer had a double chin and his weight fit his height for the first time in his life. He had grown his hair out and his face now had defining features. He looked good. The only thing Gerard hated was his loose skin. There was a lot of it and it reminded him of how his life had been every time he took his clothes off._ _

__There was some on his arms but the real problem area was his stomach and upper thighs. Gerard was grateful that all of the loose skin was easy to hide under clothes, but he still knew it was there, and he would still have to buy larger clothes sizes just to fit it. He also knew that his parents were considering letting him have skin removal surgery, but wanted to wait until Gerard found a constant weight to make any permanent changes. It seemed more like they were waiting for him to slip up and gain weight again to Gerard. Let’s not waste any money if you’re just going to fail as soon as you’re on your own—that was what it sounded like to Gerard._ _

__“Come on, just wait till your parents see you. They’re going to be so proud of you!”_ _

__Gerard smiled at Jake and nodded. “I really hope they are. I know I am.”_ _

__( ) ( ) ( )_ _

__After a week at home Gerard had yet to break his diet or workout habits. Mikey had even started working out with him which was pretty awesome chance for them to bond. Gerard had been more than relived when he walked into his new room. There was not one thing from his old room, all the furniture had been replaced and his walls had been repainted. Gerard noticed his feet were cooler than normal and noticed that the carpet had been ripped up and replaced with laminate tile._ _

__When Gerard noticed the corner of his room with a workout bench in it he wanted to cry he was so happy. He wasn’t turning into a gym rat, but knowing if he woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare or just wanted left alone to work out his frustration, he wouldn’t have to use the equipment upstairs and disturb everyone._ _

__“Do you like it?”_ _

__“Is it okay?” His parents asked at the same time._ _

__Gerard turned with tears pouring down his face to embrace both of his parents in a hug. He felt safe in his room. There was no trace of anything that had happened to him and he felt so relieved._ _

__“I love it. Thank you so much,” Gerard choked out._ _

__Gerard felt hands on his face and looked up at his dad. “We are so proud of you. I really didn’t know what was going to happen at this camp but you surpassed any expectation I had about how well you would do.”_ _

__Gerard’s dad started crying then and Gerard felt his tears start up again._ _

__“Gerard,” his mother breathed, “I know we’ve told you a million times but we just—we are _still _so sorry about what happened to you. Anything at all that you need to get resettled please don’t hesitate to ask, okay? Food, clothes, anything. Tomorrow, if you’re up to it, I was thinking you me and Mikey could go shopping for some new clothes. He ruined all of his the first week of summer and I think you’ve earned a new wardrobe.”___ _

____Gerard had nodded and then the next day he and his mom replaced his old wardrobe with all new outfits including a decent amount of workout clothes. He threw away his old clothes and told himself that he was never going to back to that size and wasn’t going to hold onto anything that would give him an excuse to get back to that point. All of his clothes went straight into the trash._ _ _ _

____( ) ( ) ( )_ _ _ _

____Currently, Gerard was half way through his morning run. Miley hadn’t joined him today because he had a dentist appointment. Gerard stopped in one of the local parks to refill his water bottle and when he turned back around to finish his run, another person was standing in front of him._ _ _ _

____“Gerard, is that you?” The woman, Frank’s mother, asked with disbelief._ _ _ _

____“Linda?” Gerard asked suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable. He nervously looked around for Frank but didn’t see any sign of him, still he didn’t feel comforted._ _ _ _

____“Oh, Honey! You look amazing!” She beamed at him._ _ _ _

____Gerard scratched the back of his neck. He was starting to feel panicked that Frank would pop up out of nowhere and confirm that he now hated how Gerard looked contrary to what his mother thought. “Thanks.”_ _ _ _

____“Well, I’m in a time crunch to get back home and make breakfast for my family,” She laughed. “But make sure and come by sometime! We’ve missed having you over at our house this summer.”_ _ _ _

____The short conversation with Linda threw Gerard off more than he expected. Since being home, Gerard hadn’t really thought much about Frank. Sure he’d crossed his mind, but Gerard would take his mind off of anything bothering him by going on a run or lifting weights in his room. Gerard watched Linda start to run away and after taking a moment to calm himself down, he too started his trek back to his house._ _ _ _

____Once Gerard got home, he took a shower and started feeling down. He’d lost more weight since coming home and had gained more loose skin which he hated. He let his mind take a minute to actually be sad for the first time since being home. He spent the entirety of his shower looking at his body, pulling and stretching the skin that had once been stretched to its max that now hung loosely. He wished he had someone to tell him how beautiful he was, how much he was wanted and how his body made him beautiful. Gerard wanted a relationship where someone wanted him and loved him at any size. Frank had been telling him for weeks his body made him beautiful before Gerard left. It made Gerard feel worthless to know that his body now wouldn’t be considered beautiful in anyone’s standards. Even Johnny would hate the loose skin._ _ _ _

____Maybe he should’ve tried losing the weight first…_ _ _ _

____Gerard stopped himself before he continued down the spiral of negative thoughts. He didn’t want to think about Johnny anymore. He’d been good at catching himself and stopping when his thoughts became too much._ _ _ _

____Gerard stepped out of the shower and got dressed. He then started to try to think of other things—like how he’d run into Linda that morning. Gerard did feel weird about Frank falling out of his life and decided after a few moments that he needed some closure. After going downstairs and eating breakfast, Gerard went to text Frank. Gerard was getting his life on track even without Frank around and he didn’t want Frank thinking anything different. He thought about what to say for a while but settled on something Gerard considered a little complex. He knew he was trying to make Frank feel bad, but he didn’t care. He looked over the message one more time before sending it._ _ _ _

_____Saw your mom today. Said she missed me. Weird. Wondered what your thoughts were after dropping out of my life._ _ _ _ _

____Gerard knew the text was odd but he didn’t want to reveal any of his own emotions. He was trying to push Franks buttons and get some type of real response. Less than a minute later a text came though._ _ _ _

_______- _Are you home now? __  
- _Where did you see my mom? _  
- _Can I see you?_____

__________To say Gerard was confused was a bit of an understatement. He expected some kind of apology or anger, something defensive to make Gerard look like the guilty party in all of this. Gerard thought his text was going to start a fight, but when it didn’t, Gerard was left with an odd feeling inside of him. He didn’t understand why he wanted to fight with Frank in the first place, but he figured it was because he was so sick of not feeling anything._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________All Gerard did was work out and get upset. When he got upset thinking about the past or his loose skin, he just worked out more until the thoughts went away. He wanted something to change up this ridiculous routine he’d put together—the routine that wasn’t much different than eating, getting depressed, and eating more to soothe it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Been home. Why do you want to see me?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________- _Why wouldn’t I want to see you?? I’ve missed you.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Gerard started to feel anger then. If Frank had missed him, then why hadn’t he fucking come to see him? Why hadn’t he texted or called him once he got home? Nothing made sense. Gerard didn’t want to give Frank the benefit of the doubt. He wanted to throw Frank off and make him hurt like Frank had hurt him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Gerard took up Linda's suggestion about coming over to see them. Without a second thought Gerard put on some shoes and walked over to the Ieros’._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Linda answered the door and she smiled brightly as always._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Oh, Gerard! I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon,” she said. “I just finished up making brunch. Please, come join!” She said stepping aside and letting Gerard inside. Linda led Gerard to the kitchen where Frank and his dad were already seated._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Frank took one look up and the fork in his hand instantly clattered down to the floor._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Holy shit,” he choked out, sputtering a moment and checking his parents’ faces to see if he was about to be reprimanded for cursing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Gerard felt uncomfortable being stared at by everyone in the room. The remark Frank made wasn’t helping either. Gerard was really regretting his idea to come over._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Gerard, would you like a plate?” Linda asked him trying to break the tension. Frank was still staring at Gerard and he couldn’t figure out the look in his eyes. Did he think Gerard was ugly? Was he shocked by the new look? Did he hate it? Did he hate Gerard?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Gerard quickly glanced over the buffet laid out on the table. All he could think of then was how Frank used to stare at him the whole time he ate. He would rather die than give the other boy that satisfaction again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Shaking his head he responded, “No thanks. I already ate.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Frank’s jaw seemed to drop even more at this comment and Gerard felt like he wanted to cry. Frank fucking hated him now that he’d lost weight. It had all been a façade. It was his body Frank craved, nothing else._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Oh… Well, what about a glass of water—”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Mom, can I be excused?” Frank cut in suddenly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Linda looked between the two boys, unsure of what to do. Suddenly, Frank Sr. spoke up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Yes, you may be excused.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Frank stood up and grabbed Gerard’s hand, turning him into instant putty. He followed Frank all the way up to the second floor and smiled to himself when he didn’t get winded after all of the stairs. At least it was one thing to be proud of._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Gerard was thrown off however when they entered Frank’s room and Frank pressed a kiss to his lips. It was so sudden, just like the grabbing of his hand, but it meant more than that and Gerard instantly shoved him off. “What the fuck, Frank?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“What the fuck do you mean?” Frank yelled back. “I fucking missed you! Am I not allowed to show that?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Frank leaned back up towards Gerard's mouth, but Gerard stepped aside. “You have no fucking right to kiss me after everything. I’m finally doing okay and you’re just fucking around with my head now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“What are you talking about? Didn’t you miss me?” Frank asked sounding a little heartbroken._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Not after you decided to never come visit me! I managed to get over you pretty damn quick when I realized you weren’t coming—or bothering to write!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“What are you talking about? I wasn’t allowed to visit you!” Frank cried out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Yes, you were! You could’ve come so many times and you never did!” Gerard yelled in Frank's face, getting more upset than he’d been in months. He could feel the tears welling up behind his eyes and he felt pathetic that he was letting someone he hadn’t seen in so long do this to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“You really think I choose to ignore you for three whole months? Jesus, Gerard! I love you! It _killed _me to stay away. How could you even think that of me?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Because you never came!” Gerard screamed, his voice cracking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Your fucking dad wouldn’t let me! How could you even think for a second that I didn’t want to see you? Do you have any idea how awful I felt after what happened? I never thought that Johnny would get caught during the actual act of raping you—”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Frank, shut up—”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“No! You’re not going to come in here and yell at me for something I had no say in!” Frank said shoving Gerard down on his bed. “You tell me everything that happened to you the night before you leave, and then I get told I’m not allowed to talk to you for _months!_ It’s not fair that you’re the one yelling at me.” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Gerard went to stand up but Frank shoved him back down straddling him on the bed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Frank, get off me.” Gerard said angrily. He was sick of being put in positions like this—being shoved down onto a bed and not being expected to fight back. He was so sick of being taken advantage of and he refused to let it happen again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________With all of his strength Gerard grabbed Frank by the shoulders and flipped himself over so Frank was now on the bed with his back down on it. “Don’t _ever_ fucking grab me like that,” Gerard said harshly. “Now, what were you saying about my dad?” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Frank was staring at Gerard in utter disbelief. He probably had no idea that Gerard could even move himself let alone both of them. Gerard guessed he was just full of little surprises now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I just—he told me not to. Not to come visit you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Bullshit,” Gerard hissed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“It’s not! I swear,” Frank argued. “He told me he didn’t want me near you until you got better.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Then why didn’t they just tell me that when I asked, huh? Why would Mikey lie to me about you? Why wouldn’t you even write a letter?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Gerard, _please,”_ Frank begged. “Look, all I know is I was told to stay away from you. Your dad told me that I wasn’t good for you to be around while you healed. I don’t know why, okay? He made me delete your number and everything. I didn’t even have the address for your place because they never told me which one it was. I fucking missed you, and all of a sudden you’re walking into my house looking like _that_ and what else was I supposed to do? I missed you so much,” Frank said, his eyes now glassy. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Don’t be lying to me please,” Gerard said his own tears beginning to well up. He felt so conflicted now, so torn between believing Frank and dismissing it all. “I really couldn’t take it if you were lying to me right now. I’ve been through enough.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Gerard, I know that. I’m not lying. I swear… I fucking missed you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Gerard looked over Frank’s face and stopped on his lips. Without any other motive than pure desperation to feel something Gerard leaned down and kissed Frank._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The kiss was full of every emotion running through Gerard at that moment: anger, fear, abandonment, trust and love. Gerard had waited all summer to see Frank and make things work out. If Frank was going to sit here and tell Gerard that he still loved him, then Gerard wasn’t going to deny it. He’d be careful, but he wouldn’t throw it away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He’d learned at camp to take people at their word. That most people do genuinely care for him and if he would have told people sooner that people would have believed and helped him. But Gerard didn’t want to think about Johnny or camp or therapy right now. No, right now was the first time in his life that Gerard was in control of the way someone else was touching him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Gerard was on top, Gerard was the one putting his lips onto Frank’s and Gerard was the one removing Frank’s shirt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Fuck,” Frank breathed out as Gerard bit down onto his neck after removing his shirt.  
Gerard felt Frank’s hands slide around his waist and go to remove his shirt and that’s when Gerard sat up and pulled away. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Gee?” Frank asked hesitantly his glassed over and foggy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Gerard paused, staring at Frank. Frank who was shirtless and had gorgeous defined muscles, not loose skin hanging from his body like some ill-fitting piece of clothing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I don’t want you to hate it,” Gerard breathed trying not to cry. He had worked so hard to look normal form the outside, but inside he was still a mess and under his clothes remained all kinds of awful memories._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Hate what?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Me,” Gerard said, this time his voice cracking, tears spilling down his cheeks. “I want to get it removed so badly but I’m not allowed too yet and it’s just gross and I just really hate it. I know you liked my old body and now I have this new one but it just…it’s not normal.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Gerard, what are you talking about?” Frank asked, sitting up and kissing Gerard again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I have loose skin and it’s fucking gross and I really don’t think you want to see it,” Gerard said, grabbing Frank’s wrists as he went to lift Gerard’s shirt again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I promise you that nothing about you could ever gross me out. I’ve missed you so much. I’m so sorry I never came to visit, but you have to believe me that I would have if I had the option. I also need you to believe me that you aren’t just some fetish to me, Gerard. I want to be with someone I love, not someone who I just sit around and fantasize about. I didn’t even think it was possible for you to get more attractive and then you walk into my house looking like a fucking supermodel—”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Frank, stop—”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“No! I’m being serious, Gerard! There is nothing under here that is scaring me away now that I’ve got you back,” Frank said as Gerard reluctantly let go of his wrists and Frank pulled his shirt over his head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Gerard sat still and didn’t move as he watched Frank run his hands along the skin of his stomach and stop at his belt. Frank looked into Gerard’s eyes and when he didn’t see any opposition he slowly undid it. Gerard stood up off the bed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“If I take them off you have to do yours, too,” he told Frank, feeling insecure about being the only one naked in the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Fucking deal,” Frank responded lifting his hips off the bed and removing his pants and boxers in one go._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Now, Gerard wasn’t sure whether telling Frank that was a good idea. Frank was fucking gorgeous and now Gerard just felt worse about his appearance. He was so proud of how far he’d come, but he still wasn’t comfortable in his own skin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Frank picked up on Gerard’s hesitation and moved so that he was covering himself as best as he could while naked. Gerard smiled a little at the action and took a deep breath before stepping out of his pants and boxers._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________To be honest he felt like a loser. He didn’t even have to shift around to be covered because his skin hung so low and the skin on his thighs bunched up enough to cover everything. Still, when he looked up to meet Frank’s eyes, he was shocked to find Frank standing right in front of him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Fucking beautiful.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“It’s gross.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“It’s really not,” Frank argued, shaking his head. “It’s like a visible trophy. Like you have a giant sign saying ‘hey, look how much work I put into myself!’ You should be really proud of yourself. I know I am.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Without hesitation Gerard leaned in and kissed Frank, wrapping his arms around Frank’s neck. Frank wrapped his around Gerard’s middle and rubbed his hands up and down Gerard’s spine, showing Gerard that he wasn’t scared to touch him and the skin wasn’t a problem for him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I want to,” Gerard whispered looking at Frank._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“You want to what?” Frank asked looking slightly confused._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I want to have sex with you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Franks eyebrows rose, not having expected Gerard to be so confident suddenly. “Gee, are you sure that’s a good idea after everything? I mean—”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“No,” Gerard said seriously. “I don’t want to think about him anymore, okay? He’s fucking gone and this is the first time I get to pick. I can choose to do this instead of being forced,” Gerard said his voice cracking a little as his emotions came over him. “I want to be on top and not have to worry. I want to do it with someone I trust and I really fucking trust you.” He breathed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Frank nodded. “If you’re one hundred percent sure you want to.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Gerard nodded “I am.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Frank looked at him with a little more hesitation, then glanced at his closed bedroom door far across the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I hope my mom doesn’t come upstairs,” Frank said before giggling anxiously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“She’d better not,” Gerard replied, leaning in for another kiss that became the start of everything._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________( ) ( ) ( )_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Aren’t you excited?” Frank asked, seeing Gerard’s nervous face and growing worrisome himself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“What if it looks weird? Like, what if after everything, I don’t like it?” Gerard questioned._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Gerard, shut up,” Mikey said, chiming in from the other side of the small examination room. “That’s stupid to even think.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Michael, apologize,” Gerard’s dad said as his mother also gave Mikey a warning look._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________They were all at the local hospital, his parents, Mikey, and Frank, waiting for the nurse to return. Today was the day Gerard was having his bandages removed for the first time since his skin removal surgery. After months of working to find a constant healthy weight and maintaining it, Gerard’s doctor finally approved him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He had gone in for the surgery a week ago and had had over twenty pounds of loose skin removed from his body. Today, however would be the first time he could really see the results._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“But just think, it’s not all healed yet,” Frank spoke again. “It’s just going to keep looking better and better. Just like you,” he said with a wink before placing a kiss on Gerard’s cheek._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The two had been together officially now for three months. Three months of dealing with traumatic flashbacks, dealing with trust issues and dealing with each other, but neither of the two could be happier._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________It had taken a while for things to progress because even though Gerard had wanted to, his past with Johnny made having sex the first few times a scary and stressful process for both of them. Frank because he didn’t want to hurt Gerard, and Gerard because he would constantly remembering the past._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Gerard, however, continued to go to therapy and talk to his doctors about it. He kept an open dialogue about what he was feeling, doing his best not to climb back into his shell and disconnect like he had before. It was hard to remember that he didn’t need to keep it to himself, that he wasn’t burdening anyone by being open and telling them all what he felt and believed…what he feared. If he felt something bad, he communicated it—and Frank learned to communicate back in his own way. They were now at a point where it was a normal relationship. Where they could do thing without being scared or worried for one another._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Gerard, are you ready?” A nurse asked, stepping into the room with his doctor right behind her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Yeah,” he answered with the least bit of hesitation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Okay, I’m going to have to ask everyone but Gerard to step outside while we remove the bandages and clean the sutures,” the nurse said, smiling pleasantly as Gerard took a deep breath to calm his nerves. Even after all this time, he still hated being alone and vulnerable strangers._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________With another kiss on the cheek from Frank and his parents (and a fist bump from Mikey), the doctor shut the door and revealed Gerard’s new body to himself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________After the cleaning and care instructions, Gerard stepped into some boxers and the doctor invited everyone back in._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Behind this curtain we have a very impressive person with very impressive results,” the doctor said with a genuine smile. “Meet your new Gerard.” He said pulling back the divider curtain in the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Oh, wow!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Gerard, honey you look amazing!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Holy shit”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Michael!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Sorry.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Gerard smiled as he looked at the shock on everyone’s faces. No one had ever expected him to be able to do this and yet he had. He’d gone above and beyond to get his life back and now he was able to enjoy it with the person who mattered most._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Gerard looked to see Frank nearly crying with his hands over his mouth. He walked over to hug him and Frank’s arms instantly wrapped around his boyfriend. “You look fucking beautiful. So fucking perfect. I am so proud of you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I couldn’t have done this without you. If it wasn’t for you, I’d probably be dead by now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Don’t say that,” Frank said shaking his head. “Don’t even suggest that I might lose you. Not when I’ve finally got you all to myself.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys are liking it so far! Let us know what you think!


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